By Eric, thenuttman@aol.com
Date: 29 June 2000
In Case A Tragedy May Occur
the last? a first
the end? a beginning somewhere, regardless
but in case a tragedy may occur
i want all of those who know me, to know i love you all
i forgive all of those who have hurt me
i forgive all of those who have cheated me
and i myself ask for the forgiveness of all of those whom I have done wrong
hurt
cheated
i feel like that if this goes wrong...
you will be hearing this poem on CNN
however, if it goes right...
it will eventually cause problems between us
how can a man love someone, and yet have doubts that would make him write
basically a goodbye speech...a goodbye poem "just in case"
love, as said before, is a word to describe a feeling
feelings are all part of the package of the human body
along with that package is the mind
and the mind creates scenarios that play out
to their extent...good or bad
creating and causing doubt or fear
thus...the beginnings of this text
in all of my years of experience writing
and knowing other poets
i feel it is a resounding truth
that every poet wants his or her last words
to be prolific
to be remembered
as very meaningful and touching
and yet powerful and soothing
i know that at my age...
i will be breaking boundaries if i leap that immense hurdle
my life is here and now
i must live it as such
i love God and my relatives
and everyone that i touch
i have neatly laid out the maps
clearly marked the path
red flagged the files that may help find me
in case a tragedy may occur
is this paranoia?
you can easily trace the thoughts back from their origins
if you stare closely at the patterns of electric flashing through my brain
it's similar to an Etch-A-Sketch...turn over and shaken and i quit thinking
but only for a split second, to ask why
and then back to my drawings
my blood swiftly courses through my veins
and old song lyrics fly about in the belfry
the tongue and his shotgun take their aim at each and every one
easily bringing down the oldest and newest ones
my fingers tremble
and my voice shakes
i know it's love, or do i?
how am i supposed to know if love is love to me, for me to love is impossible
true love, offered only by God
therefore how am i supposed to attach similar feelings to a woman
175 miles away
the lyrics bang against the edges of the bell creating such a constant loud ringing that i can't think straight
writing truly original lyrics has become nearly impossible
much like truly original love
everything has been said
everything has been done
what is left for me?
to be prolific is key
but to be known as insane...a feat indeed
genius is a footstep from insanity
and vice versa
if i were to stop at the doorstep of insanity
take that last step
then i could know the pure joy of Einstein
or would it be sheer pain?
i'm already foolish enough to believe that I know or feel certain things not felt by others...i'm becoming Ali...the self proclaimed greatest...but at feelings?...emotion?
is that such a prize?
i'm no champion
i'm no Einstein or Ali
i'm dethroning myself as we speak...rather, as i write
someone take away the screams in my head
as a child...in a perfect home, with perfect parents
my "mature" mind compensated with arguments between a couple...all in my head
for a time, the voices subsided, when i ignored them
but as time progressed...the voices gained in number and learned to sing
every word i say is not mine
but theirs
i am just a typist...writing all i hear
maybe the voices are me, maybe not...either way...
i feel as if i'm not the one you want
poetry creates me
poetry will destroy me
i am at peace when i write
and God has shown me this
He created a tool of emotion
then He created me
i can't help what i say...
i just wanted to be good at something
but i can't even
they want me to tell you I'm sorry
or was that me...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO IS WHO IN MY HEAD?
multiple personalities, doubtful
i'm me
i just hear about others
or...
i don't care
i don't want to know anymore
i am leaving tomorrow
possibly for the last time
i will either meet a friend, my wife or an enemy
if the latter is true
these may be my last words to you
don't take them to heart
they will only confuse you more
i wasn't meant to be understood
i only wanted to be loved
thank you's come out, jaded and obscure
thank you's come out, when tragedy may occur
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