By Nikki
Date: 25 June 2000

Another Untitled

I want to write
of cotton candy dreams
and long walks
on sunset beaches.
   But I can't.
It's not in my heart
to write of love
and romance
and things I only
thought I knew about.
I feel like a new
child in an old
   world,
and I don't know where
to begin to look,
to learn what I 
need to know
to survive.
My heart is striped
with battle scars,
fresh and old alike,
and plastic surgery
isn't going to do it 
this time.
I thought you
showed me everything
I needed to know,
to stay,
to love you,
But even friendship 
isn't enough for you,
and I'm too tired to
make that journey
you so desperately need
me to make.
I want to write 
of yellow daffodils
and bouncing baby boys,
but the only thing 
I know is pain,
and darkness,
and isn't there enough of that in the world already?

NL 06/25/00