Wind Down

By Eric, thenuttman@aol.com
Date: 23 June 2000

Wind Down

The day started off normally but then...as always, and with dramatic precision, it turned a fleshy reality that can only be described as human "a bad day?" "Yes, a bad day..." but, then again, what would good days be without the bad ones lending perspective to the view a mountaintop view... and screeching to a halt as the car wheels diverge on the end of times maybe this end will just be an end to the day that was not going as planned and if so...then it will all be for the best "do you believe in magic" plays in the background and I smile lightly I know that the day is winding down...and my fingers stroke the keys with almost flawless precision...maybe Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing paid off, or the rigorous training of 9th grade typing class with Mrs. Duckworth in passing, a misfire in my brain causes a thought to cross..."I wonder what she's doing right now...I wonder if she's thinking of me" this is a high possibility, but then again, highly unlikely Stevie Wonder belts out "If You Really Love Me", and it again reminds me of you... I know that tonight we will speak again... The familiar ring of the Instant Message... The request to talk audibly... The acceptance ring.. And then your voice...and in the background, the crys of your baby... and instead of talking, you type...but I hear you breathe and that is sufficient for me You, no doubt, will plead for my forgiveness for the heartache that you caused last night... I will, no doubt, forgive you...but forgetting is the hardest part Or perhaps you may tell me that this will be the last time we will speak to one another... And in parting, we will say our final "I Love You"'s "I will miss you, dearly" ...silence ensues... I close the laptop, place it on the floor and lie my head on my pillow Think of how it could have been... Realize this obviously wasn't "the one" But this only leads to feeding the already monsterous beast that I've created in my mind the beast that whispers to me at night... the beast that screams in my face as I pass an attractive woman... a semi-attractive woman...hell, even when I pass an old married couple... screaming, "HAHA! YOU WILL NEVER FIND LOVE! I AM TOO CONTROLLING, I HAVE YOU CAUGHT! I HAVE YOU IN A TRAP OF HATE!" I write these things and then think..."this isn't me, I know it...I'm too able to love to hate", if that makes sense Another thought passes...I am addicted to writing what I think...I don't want to get like this...If I become too attached to this style of release, I'll never write a rhyming word again...and that used to put such a pleasant smile on my face when I would complete a work that I had been placing words in all day...or even the ones that you write and it just comes out in perfect form...those are the best in fact...I believe I want to rhyme right now I am a poet I truly do not know it at least…at least not anymore

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