By Nikki
Date: 21 June 2000

I wish..

I wish I could
Open up my head
And let you see what I
Am thinking.
Everything has it’s own
Little drawer,
But someone has rifled through
Leaving a mess for me to clean up.

I wish I could
Open up my heart
And let you see what I
Am feeling.
Your love has made
The charred remains
Crumble, fall away
To reveal the growth
Of a love I couldn’t fathom.

I know it doesn’t
Make any sense,
The decision I have made.
Not to you, 
Not to anyone else,
Only to me half the time.

It’s that half a time
That made me decide.

I wish I could 
Show you my soul,
Perhaps to make you
Understand that this wasn’t easy.

Unfortunately, I can’t do
Any of those things.
Would it make a
Difference if I could?

I wish I could
Make it so you
Didn’t have to suffer
Through this.
I know ‘I’m sorry’
Just doesn’t cut it.

I wish I could
Give you all of me.
But if I could
I wouldn’t be having
This conversation.
Would I.

NL 6/21/00