By the guppy
Date: 12 June 2000
wonderful first date
chased out of another dusty tavern by some big dude with bad teeth
and aftershave
so much aftershave
you can always tell when there's gonna be trouble
can read it in the stubble
can read it on the pork rind stained fingers pullin at your collar
hootin and hollerin
it's all very confusin
there you are one moment
drinkin
thinkin that the girl doing the nibblin on your ear
isn't going to be saying "hi baby" to anyone else within the near future
and then she goes ahead and does it
and all of a sudden the whole world is eclipsed by jealousy
and you're tryin your best to figure out which one of the four identical images
of satan himself has decided to start poundin on you
it doesn't take long to decide that maybe you should make a break for one of the four identical images of the exit door
you can actually hear the little muffled orgasmic noises from the girl
as she gets off on the whole deal
and you're huffin and puffin and chuggin and wobblin and stumblin just as fast as you can
gettin passed up by turtles
dictatin your will
and developin several resolutions you hope to remember on new years
thinkin that you know exactly why that one artist dude who's first name is the same as that one guy you saw in all those creepy horror flicks decided to introduce his ear to the nearest fiskars product
it's all clear
he was gettin rid of the incriminatin evidence
damn christian of him
you feel all proud about your new revelation
turn around to tell somebody about it
manage to get out the words "hey...ouch"
and hit the floor
your holdin up your hands
not sure if it's self defense or if your playin the rock, scissors, paper game
you plead your case
and you think you have a valid argument
two sheets of paper surely must be able to cover any rock
regardless of pork rind stains
the rock disagrees
about that time you find your knees
and get back to gettin out of there
realizin that you now have bruises on parts of yourself you didn't even know existed
you manage to get yourself thrown out onto the gravel parkin lot without too much effort
which is good, because you're feelin pretty lazy by this point
you make a point of bleedin on his car as you make your way over to the nearest piece of grass
take inventory of all your teeth
and pass out
hopin that you wake up in oz
you're learnin to be careful about what other people wish for
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