By Michael (riding a tired horse) Date: 29 May 2000
I'm the bad guy
Dressed all in white
Fooling everybody
A wolf in sheep's clothing
Stay away from me darling
I'm the bad guy
I'm nothing but trouble
Mr Capital T
You better run when you see me
Yeah I'm the bad guy
I have a shiny six shooter on my hip
It's only there to distract you
the real gun is hidden up my sleeve
I'll shoot you in the back
while you're walking away
shoot you through the heart
I don't play fair and
It's always my fault
I'm the bad guy
You better not turn your back on me
You don't want to love me
I'll steal your heart
and sell it at the five-and-dime
I'm make you chase me
and leave you alone in the Texas desert
I'm the bad guy
You don't want to ride with me
You don't want to trust me
I'm a filthy fuckin liar
I cheat and steal too
I'm a cocky, arrogant, son-of-a-bitch
you better get out of my way
my high horse will stomp all over you
I'll stick my spurs into your face
they're made out of the superman logo
upside down and bizarro world backwards
I'm the bad guy
You don't want to get anywhere near me
I kick people in the knees
I punch people in the nuts
People dance jigs to my bullet ballet
And I make people spill their guts
Don't you dare confide in me
I'll let you down
If two people know a secret
the best way to keep it
is to shoot one of them dead
And I ain't afraid to keep a secret
I'm the bad guy
And you don't want to tell me anything
I'm a cold hearted heartbreaker
I'm a wedding ring stealing housebreaker
I'm a ladies man
love taker
I'm the other fucking man
Who am I and what am I to you?
Run home to your momma honey
Or I'll ravish you
And you'll want me back
for the rest of your life
I'm the bad guy
And I ain't afraid to take your first love virginity twice
Even if you took mine.
Sex and love together only scares the good guys.
Don't worry if you gotta blame me.
I'm not afraid to take the blame
when it's my fault.
Even when it isn't.
Even when it takes two to cause a car accident
But if you gotta blame me
I ain't afraid of taking blame on
I might have done it without even thinking
It comes naturally to me
I'm the bad guy.
And blame is another weapon in my arsenal.
Darling don't you mess with me.
I'll promise you heaven
then take you through hell.
And to make you forget the heat
I'll sing you sweet melodies
with rauchy lyrics and ravished cowgirls.
I'll recite dirty limmericks
with buxom bleached blondes and suntan oil
oil used in interesting ways.
I'm the bad guy
Don't drink from my well.
My love is 150 proof Kansas grain alcohol.
But it's ok.
You won't live thirsty for long.
You'll get saved by somebody else.
Don't try to raise the stakes on me
My poker face is great on the internet.
If we're gambling for a wedding ring
I'll take your ring, your shirt, and your bra.
honey, take it all off.
Show me your titties and jiggle around.
I'm the bad guy
And though I could buy you everything you need
I can take everything you want away too.
And you don't want to fuck around with me.
I only loved one woman in this life
I have a picture of her ghost on my bookshelf.
She's wearing pre-prom pajamas and smiling at me.
smiling at me.
I used to carry her picture in my wallet.
I gave up on it a year ago.
You're not supposed to remember anybody.
Not when you're the bad guy.
I was convincing her I forgot about her.
Darling you want to forget about me.
And though I said I love you forever.
I think she wants me to promise her
to live together forever.
And I'm lifting up her skirt
asking if she wants to bear and raise children
5 years from now.
She hasn't answered me yet.
I don't sugarcoat it.
I'm the bad guy.
You don't want to love me.
And if you're thinking I'll die lonely.
Me and Death are old friends.
We like to stare each other down.
He keeps chasing me all over town.
He never takes me.
I'm helping him out.
I make his job easier.
I'm the bad guy.
And I ain't afraid of nobody.
Nobody but you darling.
And I ain't afraid of being alone.
Nobody trusts the bad guy for long.
Nobody loves the bad guy.
But I'm tougher than you think darling
I've grown used to standing alone.
That's why you don't want to mess around with me
You won't save
yourself.
If you spend all your life depending only on me
And not yourself too for your loving.
I'm the bad guy
And if you think love don't live here anymore
tough luck sugar
I'm not going to spend all my time convincing you
if you didn't love me you'd have walked away already
And I love you is enough for me
I'm the bad guy
So don't you mess around with me
Don't take any responsibility for this love
insane.
Don't try to take your own share of our blame.
Don't try to drink some of my 150 proof loving.
Don't try to make me poker face promise you anything.
when you won't see me face to face.
Don't you dare believe a word I
say.
Don't you dare try to filter the facts or help me figure it out.
Don't you dare call me on the phone.
Don't you dare get on that plane
You don't wanna fuck with me
I'm the bad guy.
And I'll let you go back to him.
Run darling. Fast as you can.
I'm the bad guy.
You want to cower behind his white horse.
You don't want to face me alone.
And that's a smart thing.
I might eat you alive.
You might not leave me.
But I'm not worried about what happens now.
Not anymore
I'm the bad guy
And the bad guy never gets the girl in the end.
Only the man in black.
Because he's the Dread Pirate Roberts
He embarrassed the piss out of HumperDink
Made him wet his pants.
But I'm the bad guy
I'm too old for wild goose chases
and I want an independent cowgirl
who can make decisions based on real facts
real communication
real love
not decisions
based on email
based on assumptions
lacking context
I'm the bad guy
I'm too old for this bullshit.
I thought that cowgirl was you.
You haven't called me yet.
What I must have seen was a ghost rider.
Or a desert mirage.
But I ain't afraid to be wrong.
I'm the bad guy.
I make right into wrong all the time.
And if you see something wet in my eyes
It's only trail dust talking
I don't want you more than anyone else
I don't want to live with you
in this suburban desert
I don't want you to go to this university
It's only love after all
And it's easier when there are no consequences
walk off into the sunset with him
I don't want your cowgirl loving
I don't need you to hold my hand
I don't need you to listen to me
I don't need you to understand
I'm not begging you please
not down on my knees
I'm the bad guy
and these are just words
don't you dare believe them
I'm the bad guy
you want to me to be so breakable
I want you to figure out who's your cowboy.
I know you can do it.
I have faith in you darling.
So just blame me
Because all this typing ain't two days of loving
I'm touching my keyboard erotically
But I'm not getting a rise out of it
Not quite as soft good as your face
I can't love you the right way.
I'm the bad guy
And you better run home to him.
Or I'll ravish you.
I'm the bad guy