By Michael (running out of gas)
Date: 28 May 2000
Ghosts
Ghost.
Sometimes I wish I had an Ouija board.
Because most of the people I know are ghosts.
And then maybe I could talk to them more clearly.
Sometimes we're deluded and lonely
with nobody else to confuse.
So we start to believe in ghosts.
We stop trying to find the people in front of us.
Most of the people you know are ghosts too.
"Dead" people. People as they used to be. 5 Years ago, or maybe just 5 minutes ago. It’s still not now.
Got a good friend. We've seen him bent and twisted and tortured.
Crazy lady corrupted his sanity. Some temporal distortion field made her forget him until 2 months after they were supposed to move in together.
He knows my ghost -- but no longer knows me.
And gets upset when I try to tell him I'm not the metal head Metallica fanatic
that screamed those angry words until I shouted myself hoarse and deafened myself.
It's like drawing you know?
You can't make the picture become the person.
No matter how hard you try.
Some detail lost in the conversion.
Of alive to this this.
Flat. Formless. Memory.
Only when you realize.
That you don't really know
All the people you know.
That you don't really love
All the people you love.
We know and love
people bigger
and smaller
and stronger
and weaker
that the people we think
we know and love.
Different people than the ghosts we remember.
If we are so extremely unbelievably lucky.
we find people that know they love us.
No matter who the fuck we are.
And if we possess the luck
of crazed men or wishful thinkers
we know that they know.
And They know that we know.
That we are all just different degrees of stranger.
And that we can love strangers anyway.
That's what my favorite ghosts tell me anyway.
I guess thats why I feel.
Haunted.
But
Happy.
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