By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 30 May 2000

The Road That Led Me to Him

don't hate me because true love has found me and I'm
bLisSed out singin' about it!
so so sorry if my endless expressions of eBuLLienCe
offend ya because you are more cynical and bitter and
down to earth than I will ever be
hate to shine on your dismal parade of joyless destructive
criticism made anonymous by cowardice
I'm not Hitler, really
I'm not that dangerous
words are my only weapon
and I don't see how they could kill strangers
even if said strangers have known me by my poetry
and comments for the past two years

if you know me as an annoyingly sanguine
shallow sex kitten/love maniac
with sharp claws
and a strange meow
you don't really know me at all
if you think I'm clueless and idiotic
and my ebullience isn't hard-earned and well-deserved
you don't deserve to know me
and you never will

I think it's kinda cool that I'm 27 calendar years old
(the age a lot of really cool people die)
and I've been FOUND by the love I always dreamed of
and hoped and wished and prayed for
but never really thought could happen
to a love veteran like me
I guess I thought my scars would scare Him away
but he has stayed
and so I celebrate This and Us
with mad ecstasy and fervor

if you've read my poetry
you should know
I've been to hell and back
and bought a t-shirt
but it was too small
and I'm not goin' back for another one
if you've read about Chase and Jay and Brian
and all the assorted Burstin' With Fruit Flavor flings
if you've read about the demons I have combatted
with two small hands and eyes and a mouth that never shut
you should know
it is a MIRACLE
that true love has happened to me
and it is AWESOME
that I'm not running away from it
too scared to try
or laughing it away
too hardened to realize
that it is indeed
THE REAL THING

lookie here, friends and enemies and dictators and bad guys and anonymous
guys and village idiots and prostitutes and popcorn vendors and NBA
stars and Martha Stewart and all of you who are always Right and
Always Cool 'cause you never play the Fool...
I got me some serious LOVE
and I ain't lettin' go
and I ain't keepin' it a secret
I'm doin' you a service!
you must know this!
I'm tellin' you...the Road That Has Led Me to Him
was lined with heartache and horror
on both sides
and lie tides nearly drowned me
(bet you're sooo soooo glad they DIDN'T!)
but I am here
and I am happy
because I have found the One
the One I can laugh with as much as I've always laughed with
my brother
the One I can talk to like I've always talked to
my sister
the One who turns the pinwheels in my heart
lights the fires of my libido
heals my sorrow with his Andy Kaufmanish laughter
the One who has taken my hand
and walked the road with me
taking on my demons as
his own

so throw your stones
bring it all on
this chica loca
is smiling
and it's real
and I would like to buy
youse guys
a Coke
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