By Megs
Date: 15 May 2000
Why I hate May and the name Lisa...
Memories of May decorated in Dairy Queen trips
cheap Walmart carnivals
and school's out
and caps and gowns
and bonfire parties with illegally acquired beverages.
And you.
And the dream.
Or nightmare rather...
It comes back to me this year along with my allergies and skinny tank tops.
How I dreamt it all...
Heaving breathes...bare skin...lies...and then I woke up.
To find it was all true
seered into my heart before you said the words.
I never wrote a word about it.
Tried to but how can you put the full impact of its over before it began?
I still can't
I don't know the words for how defeated I felt that night
I offered myself to you as a graduation present
and a feeble attempt at swerving your predilection for her...
as if I could reprogram your taste buds.
Sent you off for a night "with the guys"
spent in her arms...in someone's bed.
Flavored with cheap keg beer and wrapped in an air of betrayal
and did you feel satisfaction
or any regret
or only dread at the web you wove?
I can not say much about the fear that rises along with the temperature
When spring comes and all men's thoughts turn to love
mine turn to her...
like living my life on a fault line
waiting for the earth to shake
and bring down my house again.
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