By Lightbulb
Date: 30 May 2000

My Muse

Why is this bond so strong? Who IS she that I could never forget? Why after 21 
years does it make me happy to imagine seeing her again? I feel so alive, it 
feels like fate or good luck!
I feel that it needs to be! I feel that somehow she needs me! This isn't about 
lust or sex. It's about love that has remained. It's about love that felt old 
and broken in when it was new.     
It has been so long. I've given up so many times thinking that I must be a fool 
to wait and hope. What a fool believes.
I always find my way back for all paths lead home. My heart seems tied to her, 
and I'm not complaining, But life is funny and a little cruel. We've been so 
close for so many years, just a short journey, and I never knew.
She's no longer part of my life, yet she always has been. She resides somewhere 
else, yet she lives in me. I've missed her so, I wish she knew! If only I could 
go back and make some small change.

A great discovery and part of my long dream has finally come to pass! I can see
my destination from here! It's been such a long time that I thought I'd never 
be this close again. I can see her there with her busy life and adoring fans. 
All their adoration seems so one-dimensional compared to mine for I've loved 
her for who she was and is, not what she looks like. She deserves more!
She looks like every wonderful thing I've ever seen! Am I imagining such
complete radiance? Not even my imagination could ever have created the vision
that she has become! Perfectly blue eyes, just the right curve to her lips, 
golden hair of just the right gold. I could stare forever, but I don't need to 
for this vision has always been in my mind!
I have now seen the fate of my heart. I now realize that she was created for me 
to desire, or I was created to long for her. She IS the embodiment of my dreams. 
No-one could appreciate her as much as I!
I am so very close but reality intervenes. It's been such a long time, and I 
have other commitments. I leave a short note, to let her know I think about her 
often, as I walk away. I have achieved all that I should here and now.

My life has been changed forever, I no longer need to live in the past or search 
in vain. Destiny will complete what it started... There is a purpose to this! 
Why else should my heart miss her so?