By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 16 May 2000

I Could've Been a Flower

I was on the ground
mute and delicate
on my back
I could've been
a flower
or a weed
but I was a six year old girl
and he was the preacher's boy from across the street
an average sized teenage boy
but to me he was a giant
and I couldn't fight him off
he pinned me down
and I saw that the clouds were in the sky
and I could hear the birds in the trees and on the telephone wires and the cars
driving down the street
and he gave me a Little Golden book
filled with songs
and told me to read to him
and if I could read
he would let me go
I was so scared and illiterate
I was such a slow learner
late bloomer
I was a dumb kid
not the kind of kid parents brag about at cocktail parties
and I was weak
and meek
not a fighter
and I don't know where my parents were
I don't know where anyone was
I was there
and he
was above me
and that was first in a series
of episodes that made my inner voice dialogue
work overtime and off the clock
I am small
I am a girl
I am weak
I cannot speak
I have no voice
I have no choice
They can push me down
and step on me
I'm going to have to learn how to read
I'm going to have to learn how to scream
This isn't a dream
This is life happening whether the angels in heaven like it or not
They must be having an off day
They must be having choir practice

I could've been a flower
but I
was
a girl