By mEg
Date: 5 February 2000

dream

I'm huddled 
wrapped
in a hot pink pashima
under the ceiling fan at 2am
fingers curled around computer keys

eyes
closed and tears
falling

I had a dream
(why do I always find myself here in the middle of 
the night?)
Writing at 2am
Blender confession #246

I dreamed
You were gone
Not dead

worse than dead

Alive
but gone
You came to see me
It was summer, it seems, I had a tan
and we made love
all night

Morning came
Over Cheerios

You look at me --- like that night

I knew
You had come to say good bye
You were taking that road
I'd feared so long

You'd understood the silences
You knew you had to tell me
Face to Face
Brown eyes to Green

I dreamed 
I cried in front of you
Silent tears
and said
for you to be happy and to enjoy the journey

and I felt my heart breaking 
I felt it breaking right
in my kitchen
in front of you

Live TV

Have I ever felt so scared?
so Lost?
Yet so happy for you....
so proud 
so 

loved.


You had to see me
I knew
Right then
Clarity I've needed for so long
You love me
You love me so much - and you want me to say stay

So I cried and that's how I woke up
Knowing that to seize your journey,
you needed to know my love was
constant
and to see it in person
to see my face
to love me one more time

and I know sitting here now
that this dream, well, it might come true
and I'll watch love leave
then

and remember the lessons I learned
tonight in a dream.

Even though you'll come to me
You will want me to tell you to stay....
I will let you go
I will cry
I will smile
and let you come to your love of me on your own 
terms.

So now, I'll walk naked back to bed
Wrapped in cashmere
Still hiccuping

I love you, no matter what
But now it's time to be lulled asleep by my blender confession
cleansed.