By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 4 February 2000

SCENE 28

SCENE 28-INT.-Nursing home. Day.
They're having an ice cream social
in the cafeteria.
Music: "26 Miles (Santa Catalina)" by the Four Preps
Mr. Crenshaw is staring at his bowl of melting ice cream
in disgust. Is seated alone at a table. One of the female
residents wheels up to the table in her wheelchair. Parks
across from Mr. Crenshaw. Mr. Crenshaw frowns at her.
Woman: Hey, there, Wallace.
Mr. Crenshaw: That's not my name, you Jane Russell wannabe.
Woman: People have always told me that I look like Dale Evans.
Mr. Crenshaw: Dead ringer.
Woman: Thank you. What's your name if it's not Wallace?
Mr. Crenshaw: Hell if I know. I don't even know if I'm 
coming or going. How do you expect me to remember my own
name?
Woman: We should all know at least that much. My name is 
Roberta but you can call me Bertie. I've been in this 
place for six months and I still don't have a boyfriend.
Mr. Crenshaw: Well, happy trails to you. I'm not your
Roy Rogers. I may not know my name, but I know I don't 
want to hang out with a woman who wheels around in a
motorized chair and compares herself to an overrated actress.
Woman: Be nice, now. We're stuck in the same boat.
Mr. Crenshaw: What boat? I don't see a boat.
Woman: That's just a common riddle. Like this, this is my
favorite: Once upon a time, a goose drank wine, a monkey
played the fiddle on the sweet potato vine. The vine broke,
the monkey choked, and they all went to heaven on a little
billy goat!
Mr. Crenshaw: That reminds me. I need to pee. Exuse me.
Leaves the table. The woman follows him in her wheelchair.
Mr. Crenshaw: I don't need your help.