By Ashley
Date: 30 April 2000
My life as an afterschool special
So much to say
How to say it?
will you understand me?
We beat around the bush until I'm
out of breath
yet not a word is said.
A mystery inside you
yet maybe you think I'm the mystery.
I guess it may be over now.
No reply to my confession of a care for you
I gave myself to you
isn't that enough?
Wouldn't that tell you that I cared
or past tense.
I can't care no more
can't burden myself with thoughts of you
A blank expression on your face
a fake smile on mine.
I deny you to everyone
including myself.
What I don't remember didn't happen
right?
Maybe the pink or blue line
or plus or minus
will crush that denial.
Denial that I put myself through
just to not have to deal
with you
A lost soul
faking your feelings
and playing with mine
until my head swirls and cries
with words that
I try to write down
and come out a jumble
of emotions I've never felt
and can't express.
My innocence you took from me
wholeheartedly
yet I am left to wonder if your heart
was in it at all
or was mine?
The fairy tale I always wanted that one time to be
turned into an afterschool special
of heartache
and the epitome
of a typical
horny
high school boy.
Except they depict them as stupid
jocky tough guys
when I thought you were a smart one.
HA, you are all the same.
I'll get over it.
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