By Ali...windy357@aol.com
Date: 6 October 2000
Complicated Things
"How do you justify this?"
You asked.
And I replied,
"I don't."
But you already knew that,
You simply had yo ask, anyway.
That's how you are,
That's how your mind works.
And I'm really not as far gone,
As you tried to imply.
I seeing without seeing,
I am what I am.
You said you never expected this,
Especially from me.
You said I've complicated things,
When they should be crystal clear.
But, I'm ruled by my emotions,
You've known that before now.
It's not like I planned this,
Or started this with mal-intent.
I'll make no excuses,
For I'll agree, there are none.
And you see me as the villan,
Of this story that I'm in.
I guess that could be true,
From the angle that you're at.
But, from where I am, I do not see,
A good guy or a bad guy.
But maybe I've shifted the rules,
To put myself at ease.
If I've done that,
Forgive my subconscious.
For I would never knowingly,
Change the rules of this game.
And if you saw me on the street,
I suppose you'd never guess.
God knows, I don't mean,
To be the way I am.
It isn't that I aspired,
To commit that dreadfull sin.
It came upon me suddenly,
I guess that makes me weak.
I don't think I can,
But what if I gave up?
Would that make it better,
Or would it break my heart?
And really, should that matter,
Considering all I've been?
Maybe you are right,
Maybe I am too far gone.
I can fancy that I'm not,
But does that make it so?
Now, I can't stop crying,
Because my life is shattered into a million peices.
Sometimes, I feel as if I'm dying,
But, it appears that I am not.
I'm gong through the motions,
Trying to pretend that I'm okay.
But I'm not really here at all,
Despite how I may seem.
I just want what I can't have,
Is that so much to ask?
And right now I can't be sure,
What is real and what is not.
And it's true I have no claim,
On this man I miss so much.
But what am I supposed to do,
With all these feelings that I have?
Are they right, are they wrong,
And what makes them one or the other?
I cannot close my eyes,
And wish away my heart.
Maybe I am what you say I am,
God help me, if that's true...
But, still, still you phrased the question,
"How do you justify this?"
How do I justify this,
How do I justify this?
I looked at you,
I was calmer than I've ever felt.
Something inside me just gave out,
When you questioned me once more.
So I gave you the one answer,
That you didn't want to hear.
I gave you the truth,
Because it was all I knew.
Despite all the confusion,
This one thing still was clear.
I took a deep breath,
And knew my heart.
My reply was simply this,
"Love is it's own justification."
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