By Mira
Date: 5 October 2000

Darling Man---a love letter



     Oh my sweet one, I do scare you at times, intense---love and passion and need, and so much your Mirror Image---we do the same things, for the same reasons, and are so certain that we are woefully inadequate. We fell in love with the subtlety of a thunder bolt, were consumed by something we had long since given hope of ever finding, and we long for each other. But still---we want each other to be happy-----content, fulfilled, and the instinct is to hand each other off---to someone more worthy...

     But it doesn't work like that, does it love? I adore you. And you call me on the attempt at nobility every time---know that I would stand by my word, and never show you a tear, know that I would smile, kiss you---and walk off half alive and never breath a word. And you would know anyway---I could win an oscar---a brilliant performance and you would taste the lie. You would look in my eyes and see that it didn't come easy, and didn't come free.

     And you would do the same damned thing---urge me to return to arms long since gone cold, on the off chance that I could recapture something I loved. You want to spare me pain, loss, and oh yes, tears. But my love, that is foolish. What I have lost will never return to me...not even if we never saw each other again, never touched.

     I love you. That does not change---will not change. It grew hard, and fast and put down roots to the soul. I wonder at times what it would have been if I had known you when we both loved bubblegum love songs on the sly---would we have become sweethearts, married at eighteen, made babies and lived a neat little life? But that is silly speculation. I did not meet you then...and when i did i was giddy---punch drunk---I KNEW the soul reaching for me...and when you touched me...god......new vistas? Music that wasn't stale old drivel---colors i never dreamed in your kiss.

    SO forgive me if I seem intense at times---forgive me for clutching at you, when I meant only to hold you. Forgive the moments when I simply can't believe that I am even a tiny bit worthy of your love---your admiration. Forgive when your touch makes me tremble to my center, and I have to close my eyes to keep from crying. And yes love---forgive me the lie---saying I could bear to lose you, when it crushes me to a fine powder to even consider such a thing. I was a coward you see. I thought you would hasten our end, hoping to spare me worse. So I bit my tongue, held my peace---and evaded speaking of it.

    Oh I was a fool. Every beginning starts an ending---and every love ends in tears, always. Two become one---and then one is left alone, and I knew that before you ever saw me. I love you. And I am so terrified of that goodbye...and you know that too. So please...as long as we can, may I love you? Even if that love seems frightening and overwhelming? Because I've tried to rein it in---
my god, have I tried! Oh, in time, it will calm down. It can't burn like that froever---we both know that. And when I am ninety, and sucking my gums, and freaking out the nurses in the home, I will say your name with a certain smile that will drive them all crazy. You give me much more than you take.

     So love me, darling. The good thing about dancing in a question mark is that you know that there isn't forever, and every bite is wonderful, and every moment is golden. So love me, please?

                                                        Mira
Back to the Heart-on-Sleeve Corner