By standswithasmile@hotmail.com
Date: 27 October 2000

Email Missive


My Darling Princess,

I wish that I had words right now.  There don't seem to be any.

Driving into the dawn this morning, away from you and into this hated place I go, the sky was pink and silver, rose and blue.  The first birds were just rising from the trees, and world was covered in mist in a slow, gentle awaking.  I could feel the world slowly coming to life around me. And I understood that, feeling the same way.

There is an awakening in me, a part of me that is moving.  I thought it was deeply asleep. You have awakened it.

There is in you something wonderful that I cannot put a name to, and I won't try.  I can tell you with perfect clairity, that this night has been the most wonderful in my life.  There are no more words to describe what it means to me.

I have said before that I have not always been a smart man, but I've never been a stupid one.  This night has been the wisest, most wonderful I've ever known.

You used a word. You said I completed you. The same is true of me.  There is a piece missing in me.  Last night I found it.  It's not mine to keep, or even to ask for, it's only yours to give.  

Every man, if he is honest with himself knows that truth.  It cannot be taken or owned, it cannot be expected or demanded.  It only comes as a gift.  Most men are not honest, and were not taught to be.  

I know my feelings and my mind.  I have never been more certain.  I have faith in things I cannot see, things that only come from you.  At this moment I am happy, more than I have ever been, and you are the reason.  You cannot promise anything, and I won't ask it.

But if your moment of realization should come, and you find me standing at the center of it, you don't need to reach for what is yours.  You will simply take it to yourself.

I am easier in my soul than I have ever been.  Each moment that passes now without you near is wasted time to me.  It was so hard to leave, so hard to watch you go.  I've never been this certain of myself before.

If you find yourself in the winter of your heart, feeling the special fire warming in the forgotten places, I am hoping I will be the source of that flame.  I want it to grow slowly, carefully, and stonger each day until there is no doubt or fear in your mind.  

What you saw tonight is only one small grain of sand on a mountain inside me.  There is so much more to give.  I won't bury you in it, but you have it all, as much as you wish, whenever you wish it.  I couldn't say these things tonight, there was so much, so close it couldn't be touched.  But I tried to show you.  I hope you understood it.

I will be waiting for you on line.  It will be a long day until I see you.  It will be a bright moment when I know you are there.

I am at peace with my world today.  The last piece of the mystery I found in the circle of your arms.  I give it back gladly now..knowing it isn't mine to keep, and praying for the moment you will offer it to me again.  

With all that is me, and all I ever hope to be,
until the moment you hold me again
I remain faithfully, fully yours.
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