By sarah iristakeroot@juno.com
Date: 28 October 2000
woman
there's this moment that has slipped from my memory. as i am sure it has from the mind of most women. where exactly, at what point did i become a woman. where in this girlish body did i somehow learn to feel the sensuality that a woman feels when her skin is gently touched. That lust somehow was this teenage passing that any man would do, that any man would be just the man to love me. Instead somewhere along the way, i grew up, and i'm not quite sure where or when that happened. It was suddenly this realization that hit me as i was driving down my usual country roads coming home from work, listening to the music of my tires on the black asphalt, and the wind roaring against my closed windows. That somewhere along the line, i left behind the skin of the girl i was and walked into the body and mind of the woman i am. I was stronger then i thought i was. I knew i had a power to myself, a power in the peace of mind. Something often searched for, but not quite ever in my reach. I wondered of love as well, the elusive love thing. Just like the yellow ball in pool. Never quite within reach of the pocket. Then at what moment did it suddenly not matter? At what moment did i decide that my life is not living in heart ache, that my life is worth much more then a man who sees as things i am not. I am a woman who gives her all to everything, i am a woman who posseses great intelligence. I am a woman who can walk with her head held high and walk into a room, and decide that i belong here, no matter what. I am a woman of quiet strength, of a brightly lit heart. So where does this come from, that i used to doubt myself, and now i have a belief in myself to do the unexpected and the unknown. That i am a beautiful woman, no matter what another person says. Maybe its the peace of mind in knowing that the roads i drive everyday are not the only roadw that exist, that somewhere across this vast planet someone else is driving, and thinking the same thing. That we are all inter connected, intertwined, because we are something wonderful. Yet we do not realize it. We live our lives in these shadows of doubt, shadows of doubts about love and whether or not someone will love us, whether or not someone will complete us. We mourn the loss of each person we feel we love, because we feel that maybe love will not touch us again. I beg to differ on this. Love is everywhere, and we all have love, and others can love us. Maybe though the love we are looking for, we are searching to hard for in each other. The love is something peaceful within in ourselves, that should radiate through our whole being, not just through our words, and our sometimes actions. I believe that we are a powerful people, and that doubt will decrease the love we deserve and know exists for us. I believe in myself for the first time in such a long time, and i realize that i may not find that perfect lover, or the man who sees me as what i really am. But i am a woman, i am a woman who is willing to deal with that, on my own.
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