By Mira
Date: 24 October 2000
I Say
Sleep deprivation as a truth serum,
you ask questions seemingly simple
while my mind lurches and staggers
from one to the next lips moving, tongue telling
but the mind is wrapped in white cotton.
It is not that I disavow the words
but by the dawning cannot recall
what I said to make you think
I needed to hear goodbye.
You cannot believe that I trust you not to go
but darling, some day we all go
and you cannot promise me a goodbye.
Part of releasing is opening the heart
at long last
and allowing the bird soul to fly
so amazed by it's journey
that the heart cannot mourn the loss.
I want my heart to be open for you,
not a cage
not a prison
not a taj mahal to keep you earth bound.
But my tears will be as secret as my love for you.
And that my love is my real pain,
for when you go I will be alone with it,
and no one will give me the option
of giving voice to the song that might heal my heart
enough to make your journey a thing of joy,
but my heart demands that if I love you
the last will be a release sweeter than any
I have given you...with open hands and arms
no grasping or greedy moves to stall your flight.
I know what I must do one day---
not this day...please god---not this day.
Because I need you still and need to love you more
before I can go there.
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