By Megs
Date: 30 September 2000

Untitled

The odd thing is how hard I try to see the bad.
In you.
In us.
I have to ask myself why I read your words through in my head
with three different inntonations
           and analyzing word choice
               and wondering what you meant when you said...
"I think I love you more than you love me."

I don't know a lot about love you see.
I think about it too much.
   Or maybe feel too much without thinking.
Its scares me
   and I push you away.  hold you at arm's length so I can focus for a moment.
Reassess.
Is it worth it?
I ask my self constantly.
Pros
Cons
Yesterdays
Tomorrows
You see a future where I see a wide expanse of nothing but time
   waiting for the hand of fate to mold it.

I don't know how to handle a love that makes me feel everything at once.
  Stomach quakes unsure while Heart floods over.
        Skin warms to your touch while my blood runs cold at the thought...
what if I lose?
what if I lose you?

And though you were beside me last night
    to evaporate my fears in the sheer force of your presence
        kiss away the tears before they had a chance to fall
I couldn't risk totally letting the guards down.
I could only let you touch me so deep.

The odd thing is how hard I try to feel the bad.

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