By faith
Date: 9 September 2000

everything... and everything else

back when i was younger
and not as smart
back when i was still impressed by nice cars
when i didn't care about anything except having fun
i used to fall in love with those little pretty boys
so beautiful i could hardly tell them apart
the kind that that song is about...
the boys of summer

they weren't really special to me
just another pretty face, someone to look good with
i fell in love with the kind of boy who would turn heads in a crowd
and when we'd walk in a room together
we'd bring everyone in it to their knees
i did love some of them, in my own "i don't really care about you" way
and we did have so much fun

but then when i grew up i lost interest
these boys were as shallow as i had been
and i had changed but they were just the same
they have no moods no fights no tears at midnight
no poetry bonded onto their souls
no daggers in their eyes
these boys could never fulfill me
excite me thrill me
because

i am not 16 anymore

and you...
you were nothing like them
your words touched me in places i'd forgotten about
and moved feelings in me that i didn't even know i had


you are so much more
important to me
than anything else i've ever had

i am trying so hard to help you understand
why i sometimes burst into tears for no reason
and why i miss my mother in the middle of the night
why i'm so demanding and moody
and what i'm thinking when i look at you like this

i'm trying to be everything you need me to be
i'm trying to take care of you
when you are trying only to take care of me
i'm trying to make you happy
even when i know you're not

i left a whole start at a life to be with you
because i knew that this is more important
than anything i could imagine to be back home
because without you it would all be meaningless

how can i spit out in pretty words
the way it really is?

the closest i can come to explaining
why i love you so much
is to remember this one day last winter

i took the bus to work that day
and halfway between broadway and 28th
i thought i saw you walking in the snow
i turned my head and realized that it wasn't you
it was just someone who looked like you
and i felt my eyes filling with tears because i thought
i'd never be able to see you walking down some street
in the snow
i never thought i'd see you again

only now i'm here
and you're the first thing i see when i wake up
and the last thing i see before i fall asleep
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