By Gala
Date: 16 September 2000
That's All Right...I Don't Mind
The first time you say it,
you're aglow with love,
and if it twinges a bit,
you remind yourself that love,
real love forgives.
That this isn't about keeping score,
and don't sweat the small stuff
becomes the mantra of the heart.
You say it and mean it.
Then you say it.
Then you say it by reflex,
distancing yourself
from the hurt
that has started to grow
even as you tell yourself
that it's nothing really.
Oh, but you can't do it forever,
no matter what the heart believes
because someone learns to take
without thought of a return,
and you taught them
to not think twice
and the whole time
you're swallowing tears
that taste like sea water
it doesn't feel like you are drowning.
And then it happens---
rage gets born in the hurt,
nursed by years of
it's all right honey,
I don't mind,
and you know you can't take
another thoughtless remark,
unkind comment,
or an act
that makes you feel
like god's own fool.
And they will look at you
in genuine horror
and wonder where that person went,
who was so easy to be around,
so kind,
and willing to understand
and be shocked
that you simply can't give
when you always did before.
I learned that martyrs
get that way by dying,
and I simply
can't won't
and don't want to try
to go back
and start
helping you
to break my heart again.
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