By Fishcakes5@aol.com
Date: 1 September 2000
The Voice
I sit at home
I don't have anything planned
I check my e-mail to find I have a card
I smile wandering what my friend has in store for me know
When I open the card I am shocked
its a secret admirer note
I laugh it off thinking its my friend playing a joke
In my mind I'm thinking this has to be a joke for multiple reasons
the most obvious is that the card was sent form a pace a guy would never go
but in the back of my mind I hear this voice
even though I try to ignore it, I still hear the voice
the more I try the louder it gets
finally I give in and listed to what it has to say
"It has to be a joke, no one would ever be interested in you"
I should be appalled at what the voice is saying
however I secretly believe it
I get mad at myself for listening to the voice
how could I ever letting my self-esteem get that low
But the voice is there none the less
As I ask my friends they all deny any knowledge of the letter
I wonder if maybe there is some truth to all of this
But in the back of my mind I still hear that it has to be a joke
I set out on the quest to find out the sender of the letter
At first I keep deleting the e-mails that I think of sending
Finally I send the e-mail and afterwards I which I never had
all I can do now is hope that its not a mean joke
Hopefully across the Internet there people are not laughing at me
As this continues to go on I get a reply hear and there
Slowly I become more determined to identify the sender
In the process I manage to bring my friends in with me
Yet that voice is still present
It has gotten quieter since I listened to it
but it succeeded in further implanting my doubt in myself
i turn to some of my friends for a reason to feel better about myself
They don't know what is going through my mind
I hope to keep it that way
the situation is becoming more and more unbelievable
yet I start to buy into it more and more
its a flattering feeling to think that this could all be true
maybe I'm not so awful after all
school always gives me a bit of a self-esteem boost and maybe this will add to it
so I sit and wait to see what happens
the guys I like may not like me back but that's ok
that one e-mail is slowly bringing up my self esteem
if this could be true then I cant be that bad
while this person is scary and rather annoying its good in its own way
this whole thing may be a joke but for now I don't have to believe that
I no longer have to listen to my mind
I hear the voice before and now that's it has been heard I can go back to pushing it to the back of my mind
for a little while I can just pretend
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