By Gala
Date: 7 March 2001
Left Behind
They say that when I was a baby
it took me forever
to get over wanting to be touched
and held
and comforted.
So they left me alone in my crib
and let me scream for hours
to teach me
the first of life's hard lessons.
So I learned that being held
was a rare delight
and if you asked it too much,
the ones you loved
would turn their backs
and not mind your tears
because you had to learn.
I learned that love was a special treat,
but that if you enjoyed it too much
well, they had to wean you off it---
or you might just get used to the idea,
and start thinking
that just maybe you deserved to be loved.
I learned that the simple delight
of being held near and dear
was something reserved for boufant blondes
in pastel party dresses
with Jon Bonet eyes
but that brunnetes
whose eyes tended toward ocean grey
were just not sweet enough to get hugs.
I grew up telling myself I was smart
and so strong
because I never expected much of love,
and one day found myself in your arms
craving you like a junkie---
and oh---when you loved me
I nearly lost my mind with the warm of it.
But see...deep down, I expect it to go away.
My heart doesn't expect to keep or be kept
and it's nothing you did,
or didn't do.
It's just that I expect you to put me behind you,
expect to be left alone because they taught me that,
that I was lucky to get any---
don't be a pig and even dream
that you can have it all.
But please, don't leave me behind.
I'm only scared of the dark when I'm alone,
and the sound of my own heart
is too great a clamor to bear.
Back to the Heart-on-Sleeve Corner