By Misti Lake
Date: 16 March 2001
A Different Kind of Drama
it's true that since we left Austin
I haven't cried for hours at a time
or torn pictures off the wall in a rage
or drove off looking for cardboard boxes
I've been a good girl
a sedated girl
a functioning girl
an almost sane but still suspiciously unique girl
but I'll always be a Listen to Me Speak...Damn it! girl
I can't seem to shut up
tone it down mute it
blunt it
soften it
ignore it
whore it
"always a headache, never a bore"
you want more from me than I guess I'll ever be able to give
you can live with it or we can part ways
in a daze wondering,"what the fuck happened???"
because yesterday was a happiness poem
the first truly happy poem I'd ever written, you said
and today is something else
one stupid argument and going to bed without an
i love you
and a kiss
and everything is mangled again
lopsided
...I hate not being held
yesterday you told me that I wasn't John Wayne
but I wish I was
it's not penis envy
it's strength envy
I want to be a stoic cowboy
I don't want to need pills
or cuddling
I want a hazy life
life in the abstract
the stark landscape/trail drive/solemn mission
serving as the only reality.
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