By Elaina
Date: 18 March 2001
Love Through the Eyes of the Loving Impaired
Love…one of those undeniable words. The dictionary explains it to be a strong attraction towards another, however, that sounds too simple, and if you ask anyone whose ever been in love they’ll tell you it’s anything but.
On the other hand, maybe love is as simple as that. I mean it’s easy to love a pair of shoes…or chocolate, but to love another person, to fully open your heart and soul leaving you vulnerable in the worst way possible? That doesn’t sound as easy.
"You can’t experience love without being vulnerable," but how much does your partner have to know before you’re considered vulnerable? Do they have to know every past experience, every flaw, every defeat? When they know everything you have no defenses, and when you have no defenses you leave yourself wide open for heartache. What do you learn by getting hurt? You learn how to build walls and bottle emotions, which is never a good thing. Love causes hurt, hurt causes pain, and pain is just horrible. I’m not talking getting a cavity filled or a sliver pulled kind of pain. It pounds and swells right at the pit of your stomach, it stays with you for a long time. My advice is to stay away from love completely.
If I had to describe love in three words they would be lustful, confusion and impossible. My first point is; love is impossible. The moment you realize love is impossible is the moment you have learned how to avoid the most complicated pain of all. "He loves her, but she loves him, he loves some girl you just can’t win." I once knew this guy who was in love with three girls at one time. He actually told and with all his heart meant every "I love you," he said to them. One was his girlfriend, the other his ex-girlfriend and the last but certainly not least a girl he had a brief fling with. After an excruciating three days of tears and heartache he decided to dump hid girlfriend for the fling. Who unannounced to anyone with held the IMPORTANT information that she was still in love with her ex-boyfriend and dating someone who was in love with her…she also moved away two days later. About two weeks after that whole incident the boyfriend ended up moving in with the original ex-girlfriend. Now if that wasn’t bad enough the boyfriends brother was in love with the girlfriend who came to him for friendly support when her heart had been broken. It’s a gigantic love triangle, or should I say love hexagon. Now is that love? I know at least one of you thought "No, duh." But referring back to the definition of love, he without a doubt loved all three of them.
Some would say "It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." When agreeing upon this the reasoning "you gain strength and knowledge which cannot be imitated through any other way," was given. However, I believe getting hurt wounds the innocence and captures desire allowing you not to learn as much with the next experience. I know I would much rather love and win…and when I love and loose I wish I would have never loved at all.
I’ve often had friends tell me they are afraid to fall in love…for fear of getting hurt. However, it’s not the falling in love that hurts it’s not even the falling out of love that hurts. It’s more or less the fear of not being loved back. So I suppose if you’re in love with someone and they are not in love with you, you have no choice but to fall ‘out’ of love. Once again I know someone is thinking "Come on…fall out of love? You can’t fall out of love, love is forever." But correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t recall crying when someone showers you with affection and tells you, you’re the only one for them…unless you are being stalked. You cry and feel worthless when the love comes to an end. Confused? Well good, this brings me to my second point love is confusing.
Love is a game sort of like chutes and ladders. You learn from an experience or mistake and you progress up the ladder. You make the same stupid mistake over again and you fall down the chute. For example a girl gets involved with a boy who has cheated on every girlfriend he’s ever had, however, she thinks "I’m different, it won’t happen to me." In the end she finds she was no different at all and she had been cheated on. Now gaining the knowledge "once and cheater always a cheater," she progresses up the ladder. Then so unexpectedly along comes this guy, and although he’s cheated on every girlfriend he’s had she find him irresistible and gets involved anyway. She’s now stuck with the thought…"it won’t happen again." Sadly in the end it does and she was once again cheated on…she falls down the chute. Some if they’re lucky finish the game, however, most get frustrated and give up. This girl now goes through life labeling every guy she meets.
Labels. They supposedly help solve confusion where relationship standings are concerned. You are dating, but you are not boyfriend and girlfriend. You are long term boyfriend and girlfriend, but you are not engaged. You are engage, but you are not married, and you are married, but you are not soul mates. What’s the use of labeling something? Like age for example. A 15 year old girl cannot get involved with an 18 year old boy, however an 18 year old girl can get involved with a 75 year old man. With the exception of it being a little weird as long as Brittany Spears and grandpa are happy, right? (I’m not talking bad on Brittany we all know she’s dating Justin, but it was a good visual wasn’t it?) Well, in the case of the 15 year old girl and the 18 year old boy he can go to jail. It’s very unfair to set laws on possible love.
"What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Freedom is one of the most important things to a person, in some cases people are willing to die for their freedom. Why go through so much trouble when people are going to believe what they want anyway. In the process of trying to simplify something that is already so complicated you’ve made it even more complicated by trying to control it. "True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen." What try to limit something that rarely happens? Why make it even more rare? Why close off your options even further? There are all these rules and regulations to what lave should be and how it should work, but don’t you think it’s already hard enough?
"Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, but don’t enjoy it." Where does it say you can’t look, touch, taste and enjoy it? "You can’t have your cake and eat it too." Then what’s the point of having anything at all? We’re always being taught to give our all, a full 110%. So why in every other area teach us to do that, but in the pursuit of happiness, take caution. Isn’t that the only reason we do anything anyway…to be happy.
"Don’t let your heat rule you head." The one "rule" to love I actually believe is worth listening to. This quote goes hand in hand with the saying "Live in the moment." I highly advise not doing this. Simply because most unplanned moments are in a lustful manner. My third and final point is love, or in this case the lack of is lustful. I’m not saying lust is a bad thing, I mean it’s fun, and it makes you feel complete…for a while. I’m concentrating more on the outcomes of lust.
"It was love at first sight." No it wasn’t, because love at first sight does not exist, maybe for the except you met in another life, but that’s rare. Lust at first sight would be more accurate. What is love at first sight anyway? A strong sexual attraction for another, also known as lust, which is very close to the supposed definition of love but not quite. So what happens after lust? Sure the person you’re dating is attractive, but you can get as much talking with a wall as you can talking with them. So unless YOU can build from lust find a different base, or it will stay just that…lust.
I don’t know one person who hears any of that and say "how wonderful, just what I’ve always dreamed of."
In conclusion I’d like to remind you our emotions rule us, love is probably nothing more than lust. Going back to my comparison between love and chutes and ladders, love is clearly confusing. Referring to my first example of the boy who was in love with three girls at one time love is impossible. As you can see by all the true examples I’ve given, I am defiantly loving impaired and this is love through my eyes. Love hurts, love scorns and above all love should be avoided. Thank you.
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