By Harem
Date: 27 March 2001
Jekyll and Hyde / When the Mask Comes Off
I had joined a bowling league at my Mother's suggestion.
She even paid for it, to get my mind off of my Ex.
Freely babysitting my children, to take away all my excuses
Bowling was something that always came easy for me.
He spotted me instantly amidst the chorus of strikes and spares.
His voice was mellow and deep, and he reminded me of my father.
Curiosly enough, he even had the same first name.
Even born the same year.
Having been a semi-professional bowler most of his life.
He seemed quite interested in my style and my game.
I welcomed his comments and suggestions
He had trophies where he had beaten the famous Carter
I was impressed.
I noticed he was always at the alleys when I bowled.
One day he summoned the courage to introduce himself.
A wonderful friendship developed over bowling.
One evening, he offered to take me for a bite to eat.
I graciously declined.
One evening , he asked me for a lift home to his apartment.
Food was easy to refuse.
But favors for others, was my weakness.
I was all too glad to help him home.
That was the beginning of something I would never have suspected
Not in my wildest dreams or imagination
The friendship began to deepen, and favors were exchanged
On a more or less frequent basis.
I felt so lucky to have the father I always dreamed of.
He, however, was looking at me in a far different light.
It was several months before I began to realize his intentions.
I began to receive gifts in the mail, with cards signed anonymous.
Roses were delivered too.
All with "secret admirer" signed on the attached cards.
I was living alone with my four small children.
Still recovering from a divorce and the empty hole in my heart.
With no job, and no education, I was doubly scared.
I had made several stabs at working
But the day care was costing me more than what I was bringing home
The children and I were living in New Jersey with no heat at this time
Our oil had run out, and our electric was shut off, and it was deep in winter.
I told nobody about my plight, I was humiliated and embarassed.
I made snow suits with my singer sewing machine from quilted fabric
The kids looked like little soldiers, and thought it was dress up fun.
I even crocheted mittens with fat thumbs that often looked strange.
But they never complained, and we made the best of it.
We lived indoors , like we were out in the Yukon.
I made it a game, and the kids loved it.
I was very careful, to ensure that no one knew what we were up against.
When our water pump broke, I called their father to ask for help.
He was a fix anything man, but he refused to help
He told me to drive a half hour away to my mothers to bathe them.
And that I should borrow water from the neighbors.
We could live without heat and electricity,
but I could not figure out how to deal with no water.
But we survived inspite of this new hardship.
Suddenly one day, there came a tapping at my door.
It was a plumber.
I assured him that he had the wrong house.
He bullied his way in, insisting that he was here to fix my water pump.
I kept telling him that I had no money to pay.
"It's already been paid for" was his reply.
At first I thought my ex had developed some guilt feelings
And had sent this water angel from heaven
I even called to thank him.
Before I could finish my words of gratitude, he hung up.
The next morning, I awoke to the blaring of a TV set
That had not been heard in months.
Jumping up to shut it off, I felt something very strange.
The house was warm.
I started to cry......
The electric fairy had come and touched our house.
I always believed in miracles, but this was more than I could fathom.
Especially since, no one knew how we were living.
Not even my mother.
She often wondered why I would not let her babysit at my house.
He showed up at my door step the next night,
Courtesy of the yellow taxi.
I wondered how he knew where I lived
The rest of the story flowed like a dream in a storybook fairy tale.
I was sure that God had smiled down upon us
Giving me the father I never had,
My children the grandpa they never knew
And someone to save us from the cruel world.
And he was all that.....
For many months....
Until, I agreed to marry him.
After the initial shock of his true intentions wore off.
We began to see each other frequently.
Going to dinner, movies, bowling.
We laughed, we talked, we sang
Talking and singing to me in Italian.
Treating me like a goddess upon Mount Olympus.
Loving the children, cuddling them, telling them stories
Making my home warm again, in so many ways.....
He wanted us to start over completely...
To erase the memories of everything.
I sold my house, and we moved to Florida.
We married on the way, at a justice of the peace
in Maryland.
He was so much fun to be around.
So easy to talk to.
So strong.
So loving.
Until we arrived in Florida
With Gold bands upon our fingers.
He changed so suddenly
That even my five year old son
Wrote a poem about it
I still have the poem..... it makes me cry.....
I will try to scan it into this story .....
The kids wanted a father so much.
And I wanted the love of one too.
As well as the warmth of a gentle lover.
In less time than it takes to exhale
He became a fiendish monster.
His face changed, his eyes changed, he changed.
The children and I looked at each other in amazement.
As we walked in the door, in our new home in Florida.
He began to rant and rave.
Cussing and complaining about everything.
Pouding the chairs with his fist while watching TV.
His negative aura left me frightened and confused.
Hate became his first name.
He hated me, he hated the children, he hated life.
Pushing my daughter away when she wanted to hug.
Knocking her down on the floor, pushing her aside with his foot.
Calling my children bitches and bastards.
Saying they were no good, just like their father.
Refusing to eat my cooking,
Which he said was not even good enough for a dog.
No matter what I did, I could not please him.
It was killing me.
Pleasing people is what I thrive on.
Making people happy, is what I was born for.
To be unable to appease him in any form, was driving me nuts.
Watching him mentally, verbally, and emotionally injure my kids
Was the worst torment of all.
Kill me, but don't touch my kids.
I knew within an hour after arriving in Florida, that I had made a mistake
A BIG ONE.
I called my Mom..... she told me to ride it out.
That things would change..... he was just nervous about his new life.
She was WRONG
Things got worse, as time went on.
I called their Dad, to see if he would help me get bus fare to leave.
He hung up on me.
I used to cry myself to sleep every night.
Silently , so he wouldn't know,
and so the children would not hear.
Feeling like a prisoner in my own home.
At times, I used to ask God to let me die.
So selfish I was at that time.
The Jekyll and Hyde man, that I thought had been sent by God.
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