By Cee
Date: 13 March 2001

Nothing

Sometimes i feel like im falling apart at the seams , 
and theres nothing anyone can do . 
Im on this non stop roller coaster where i can physicaly feel my body move 
up and down , 
yet i never budge from where im at . 
And i get to thinking , whats the point . 
Why even do this . 
No one can help me , 
i wouldnt let them even if they tryed . 

I hear you tell me on the phone how sheltered i am , 
how much hate pours from me . 
I hear you tell me how I have spread my toxins to you , 
and you can no longer breathe cause i hold you down . 
And all i can think in that moment , 
all i can feel in my stomach , is Nothing . 

I feel nothing , for anyone . 
The room will keep spining , 
the thoughts in my head blurring , 
makeing no sence . 
I run and i run , to get away from this hell , 
and my feet barely move . 
i try to catch up , become all that i was and i find myself lower . 
I shake out of anger , 
i shake out of rage , 
i shake cause im scared , 
cause there nothing left to hold onto . 
Nothings left here for me . 

How many times have you told me i drown you ? 
How many times did i just sit there and hurt , 
while you did nothing , nothing at all . 
Yet you wonder why i hate , you wonder why i cant speak , 
cant cry , 
cant do anything . 
But lock myself alone and wonder why . 

Even what i have is nothing , 
this little girl who hates me , 
who screams at me day and night , 
who no longer loves me . 
What can i do i say , 
what did i do ? 
I just want it to stop , the motionless coaster that spins me around , 
i want it all to stop . 
I hate you , i hate you so much , 
I love you , i love you so damn much . 
And i break , fighting all that i feel . 
falling into nothing , i am nothing . 

All i wanted was all you couldnt give , 
all that you couldnt give was all that you knew . 
Here i sit , alone in this room . 
Knowing it was me , knowing all i did wrong , 
knowing i hold you down , take the breath from your lungs . 

And im sorry , 
so very sorry that ive drowned you , 
sorry very sorry that i loved you to begin with . 
cause now , i feel , 
nothing . 
nothing .......