By Anonymous
Date: 27 March 2001

Numb

I really don't know how to put words to the thoughts in my head.  I remember when a phone call was enough to make me smile and feel giddy inside for days...somewhere between there and here I became numb.  I don't feel enough and I feel too much and I hate extremes.  Though I lay down in a peaceful state, my head spins out of control with confusion engulfing my soul & scaring my heart.  I always find flaws in perfection, refusing acceptance of anything good, afterall, it probably is disguising bad.  

Not knowing your own desire is the lonliest feeling...I still smile, I still laugh, I still believe in a peaceful easy feeling I'm certain exists.  

God, I am still here though I hide behind an uneasy guard.  I fell asleep beside You and woke up alone.  Find me, save me, love me, rescue me from this complacency.  Fear holds on tight and I am at a loss for words.

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