By Misti Lake
Date: 14 March 2001
The Trouble With Randy
The trouble with Randy is that he is married to one woman
and obsessed with another. The woman he is obsessed with is the
ex wife of his good college buddy, Dave. It all started when Randy
befriended the woman while she was going through her divorce. He gave
her a shoulder to cry on. But she didn't really cry. And if she did
cry, it certainly wasn't on Randy's shoulder. She appreciated the
attention and concern, but she made it clear to Randy that she wasn't
in the market for a lover. Especially a married one.
...Yet somewhere along the way, Randy got confused. He fell into the
abyss known as unrequited love. He started sending flowers to the
woman. He sent her notes telling her about songs he heard on the radio
that reminded him of her. Once he even left a black Beanie Baby poodle
with red bows on its ears in the woman's mailbox. Then there were the
phone calls. This shit was getting old.
Things got even crazier when the woman started dating a man she met
in a honky tonk. She was crazy about him, he was crazy about her. Randy
knew this because Randy was a spy in the house of love. But this only
made Randy work harder to convince the woman that it was their destiny
to be together. Finally, the woman married the man she met in the honky
tonk and moved to a new town. Randy followed her there.
...Now Randy is divorced from his wife, who blames it all on the woman,
and he still leaves roses in the woman's mailbox. One night the woman and
new husband heard the dog barking. Casey was a good dog. She never
barked unless she really needed to. The woman was frightened. She tried
to wake her husband but he was dreaming of the Old West and couldn't
be bothered.
...The next day the woman found a teddy bear card in her mailbox. It was
signed,"Love, The One You're Supposed to Be With."
The moral of this story is: Don't be a Randy. You've got to know when to
quit.
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