By iLLbLeEd
Date: 25 March 2001

+sapce+

and now i realize
that tomorrow came and went like all the others
me still a back seat 
in your cadillac life-
style it as you want
you will never love me
i’m trying to be your friend
but i need time
and space to learn not to love you
to put my two feet back on the ground
and see the world in color again
I wanna see the city
cartoon figments of my obsolete imagination
feel the warmth of lights on my cold skin
take a leap off the deep end
and come up giggling for once
no longer drowning 
i don’t’ want to be nostalgic 
reading your old letters of love and destiny
while you’re off living your life with her
her
the splinter in my ever forsaken side
i pray to a god who no longer has ears
my sign language long since forgotten
better yet i need to know you love me as a friend
so let me walk away for a while
let me find the skin 
worn too thin
i’ve thought too many times of jumping
your hand always there to rip me from the ledge
but i need to know if i can stand on my own
if i can fly without you breathing air into my tar-covered lungs
and walking step for step in my stride
so tomorrow maybe won’t be so bad
if i can get through it without tears 
without physical reminders of you
without puking at the thought of you not there
only then
will i know
if i still exist