By Elaina
Date: 26 January 2001
Annoyed
I'm going crazy,
and not like the
crazy where I start
rambling late at night,
the crazy panic I guess.
Like when you get that
late night phone call
and you just know
something's wrong.
I'm so sick of the
fact that I can't
figure you out, and
I know you like it that
way, but I can't take much
more of this. I feel
at any moment I'm going to
break down. I don't
know what you want,
I don't know how you feel,
and it's so ANNOYING!
Your attitude towards
me changes every day.
I never know how to
act towards you. I never
know what to say. And
I get so close to telling
you exactly how I feel,
so close to WANTING to
look you in the eyes and
blurt it all out. But
then you do something
I wouldn't expect you
to do, or you say something
that I never thought would
come from your mouth...and
now I'm so confused. Perhaps
I'm being bitter, because
you don't feel the same way
towards me as I do for you.
And that's ok that's not
what bothers me, it's that
I'm never quite sure....
of what you're thinking
or feeling or wanting. I've
tried my hardest to read you
but you're impossible.
I Just...I don't know how to
solve this problem, but
I feel the tears welling up
in my eyes, and it kills.
You make it so I don't even
know how 'I' feel anymore.
And don't I'm trying to
turn this into a quilt
game, because that's the
last thing I want. I just
think I'm spending so
much time with you and
that ok. I enjoy it, yet
we do nothing, and I know
you're thinking the small
petty things like sex, and
that does play into it, but
we don't even talk and yet we
do. GOD! I hate being confused.
I hate being so angry all the
time because of it. I'm really
just giving up. I don't need
help from anyone to be happy.
So I suppose the only solution
is to not care.
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