By Elaina
Date: 15 January 2001
Inspiration
You only write
when you're inspired,
well everyday I find
something that wasn't
there the day before.
With every poem I
write I realize something
else I forget to mention.
With every line that doesn't rhyme,
I keep on going wasting your time.
Even if you never
read this silly stuff,
I'd still write it,
for fear I might forget
in the future,
the past that I'm
living presently.
Things change, people
grow and I never want
to replace what you've
taught me. I've come to
find it's not so much
that I think I'm
falling in love with you,
it's that I've found a new
level to a friendship.
Not to say that I don't
have those lovey dovey feelings
for you, but it's more than
just that. I realized that
I'm not crazy, not at any
given moment, not even
late at night. It's just
my excuse to hide from
what I fear, rejection
from you. Oh!! I'm going
to be hating myself later
for telling you that. I
can't live as if today
will create my tomarrow
into a regret of yesterday.
Things can always get worse,
and usually do, before they
get better. Everything happens
for a reason, even if the reason
isn't apparent. I have to live
for today and never fear what
I don't know, or what I've previously
known. I can't hide behind
my wall forever, and I intend
to show you all that's built up
behid it, that is...if the
offer still stands. I just
don't want you to feel that
it's you that I don't want to
tell, but it's more that I
don't want to see what I've
been hiding. It hurts and
I'm not a strong person. I
run and I miss out on so
much because I spend all
my time running. I can't
do it anymore I'm exhausted.
I just want to be happy and
not fear what I have been...
you.
So maybe it's not that
I'm constantly inspried
I just can't say what I
say on paper to your face.
Because your eyes would
tell me the truth, and I'm
ready to drag all the skeletons
out of my closet, but I can't
handle truth and reason. Baby
steps I'll get there, someday
but I guess what I really need is...
you.
To help stop this ridiculous...
'inspiration.'
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