By Misti Lake
Date: 27 January 2001
Mistaken Identity
I was so fuckin' sure that you were The One, man. I've studied our charts
and it still makes no sense. Ten years of hindsight and I'm still in the
dark. I was seventeen and on Prozac and I had a bad haircut that I gave
myself in rehab. I was goofy but shy and lonely. I had no social skills.
But I was definitely goofy. But not as goofy as you. Maybe that's why I
fell so hard and so completely. I was there in the hallway on my first
day back. Our senior year. Hadn't seen you since we were eight. That morning
I put pictures of us as children in my purse. Then you saw me in the hallway
during lunch and you said,"Howdy, I'm Chase Childers" and I said,"Hi, I'm
Misti Rainwater." You were shocked. You sat down beside me in the hallway...
against the lockers...and I showed you the pictures and we talked. Then I
told you that I was going to the cafeteria. You told me that you didn't eat.
I respected you for that. "A man of principle...a real freak!" (sigh) So I
walked away and then turned around to see you watching me go. I smiled and
said,"See ya later." Then on our first date I knew knew KNEW with my 17 year
old virgin heart of 14 karat gold that I wanted to mate with you forever and
ever AMEN. And it's strange because I wasn't that physically attracted to
you. I was hoping you wouldn't kiss me. But I felt so safe and...found.
I felt full fucking circle. Then when you went home with me that strange
weekend in October it was about sex, suddenly, and you reminded me of a shark
or J.R. Ewing and I was scared but I wanted to be initiated. I wanted to be
fucked. Claimed. It almost worked but I "moved around too much"...so you
settled for a mediocre blow job. Then I moved away again, gypsy that I was,
but I kept blowing you kisses and you kept blowin' 'em back. Kind of. You
moved on. Fell in love with various chics. Told me in exquisite detail over
the phone about your dates with Jessica and Amy and all your assorted sordid
flings with all the nameless ones who dug your Obsession cologne and
motorcycle. I dated guys who bored me. I wouldn't kiss them. I fantasized
about you in a sick Amy Fisher kinda way. But you weren't married and you
weren't an older man so I didn't feel too terribly psychotic. Eventually I fell
for other guys. I called your mom one day from a truck stop in Arizona and told
her to tell you that I had just gotten married to a guy named Jay at a drive-up window. That was the drama I needed to reel you back in. More or less. You tried to come to my rescue but I felt this weird type of loyalty to Jay because he was homeless and one-armed and brain damaged. Well, I've always had weird tastes. It all began with my Kiss poster collection in kindergarten. Oh hell oh well what's the point. I don't think there is one. You were my first love and I'm glad you didn't knock me up.
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