By me aka niki
Date: 15 January 2001
memory lane
I saw you today
All of a sudden your face was there
next to me, saying "hi"
I don't even look you in the eyes anymore
So I mumbled "hi" and walked away
What do you expect?
later I saw you sitting far away from me
I saw your body In front of the sunshine
The lines and cruves of your body, I traced them with my eyes
And All of a sudden Somthing hit me,
The memories
The frist kiss, The argument after that with me screaming : "Look me in the eyes, Stay with your girls, Go, go ,GOO!!"
Kissing on your bed, In the living room, In the kitchen, in the bathroom, In my room, in my bathroom, by the horses, Walking in the rain, Hugging each other because it was cold, Spinning me around on the chair, Making eye contact, Just sitting and not talking, talking, screaming, mostly me " Make up your mind, what do you want from me, TELL ME"
" I don't know, I don't know, I DONT KNOW, DAMN IT!!"
"ok Whatever, Good luck thinking", Slamming doors, You calling me back
Saying you thought about it and wanted 'that'
I stil don't know for sure what THAT is, I think it was being more serious
More agruments, Not speaking for weeks, ignoring, Hearing about other girls, Crying, tears, red eyes, shaky body, feeling miserable, Sittig in my room for days and listening to music, writing poetry all day long, daydreaming about what Could have been, Asking myself over and over what I did wrong, Feeling happy,
Letting you touch me, then having you leave without saying goodbye
You saying you were sorry
" I'm sorry, I realized that I made a mistake and I want everything to be like before, I'm sorry"
" You realized this to late, You used me, you didn't care, You let me slip away and NOW you come back.."
The rose I gave you for valentine, The things I did to try to see you
" Come see a movie"
"I can't"
" why not?"
"I'm busy, call me"
I did and you never picked up the phone or called back
Watching a movie with you at home, Sneaking to your room late at night,
Walking home with you, you telling me to call, all your friends were around, no more secrets, If you knew how happy I was, You said that there was no girlfriend, I Found out the truth you lied, No more energie to cry, just sleeping for days, Before I went on summer vacation I couldn't just go without saying goodbye I called, but Your number had changed and I didn't know so,
I'm happy I didn't reach you, don't want to look desperate, You never called to tell me bye, I would not see yo for the next 5 weeks, the first time I saw you, I ignored you, so much pain, then the first second we were alone we just kissed, you playing with my belly botton, more fights, you telling me you would never speak to me again if I acted like that again, I said sorry, you ignoring me for a week, your punisment was cruel and I just tried to reach you, Like a fool,
You came back acting so perfect, joking you where my boyfriend, playing with my tummy, OH my god I'm starting to cry again... You were so nice, That night you walked me home and told me that you wanted to be with me and wanted me, A few days later you had anyother girlfriend, " tell me you don't want me, tell me you have someone else"
" why should I, nobody knows about us"
"it doesn't have to do shit with the rest of the world, It's about ME, tell me!"
"ok, I don't want anything with you!!!!!! Happy????????"
" yes"
That was it
We argued some more , I didn't even cry, But after that I did for months to come
So your still with her, must love her, I'm alone, But new year you did give me an offer maybe I'll take it, Don't know...
9 months of you, that happend 5 months ago, flashed in front of my eyes in a minute and After that I had to sit down and just stared
After all this time How come you still do this to me?
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