By Elaina
Date: 23 January 2001
Second Thought
Have you ever
said something
and then wished
in that same
moment that
you hadn't.
Well, I do
that quite often
and if I
don't explain
further what I
said earlier it could
be WAY mis-interpreted.
When I said I was
giving up I
profoundly meant
giving up
holding back
my feelings.
And I don't mean
that I'm going to
jump on you
and start kissing
you right there
in front of
evryone (although,
sometimes I'd
like to) I just
can't lie to
people anymore
when they
ask where you
are and I know,
I'm going to
have to tell
them, when I
talk of you and
someone asks if
we're together
I'm simply
going to say
no, we're dating.
But I can't say
that nothings
going on. Not
that you've ever
said I sould
but for some
reason I was
under the
impression that's
what you wanted.
And I can't hide
behind my wall,
I can't keep all
my feelings locked up
anymore. I know
you're thinking
'good I've been
trying to get
her to open up to
me and now she's
going to...FINALLY'
But as I warned you
before I'll warn you
again, you'll hear
things you don't want
to hear. Just know
I don't ever expect a
response or you to feel
the same way. I
have you
figured out and
I've seen it before,
only it's more obvious
with you. Don't ask
me to explain,
even though
I know you will,
(I won't).
Just understand that
I've never been
as closed
off as I have
been with you.
Probably because,
you're the first
since 'him' and
he scared me for
life, however,
I'm getting over
it (not 'him' I
was over that
a long time ago, I'm
just not over
what he did, to me...
ya know?)I'm also
making a consious
effort not to
talk of 'him' anymore,
at east not talk of
'him' poorly it
makes me no better of
a person. This is
not only for me but
for you as well...
for one I get
kind of uncomfortable
when you talk of
'her'and I assume
you feel the
same way. Second
of all he's not
part of my life
anymore and unless
I relish in the
GOOD memories
I have of 'him'
I'll end up looking
like the fool.
So that's that,
I can't undo what
I said, what's
done is done,
but I just thought
you should know
I wasn't trying to
rid myself of you,
(I'm not through
with you yet)just
all this baggage
that I've been
holding on to
for some
unknown reason.
And even if
you find me crazy
and you'd like
to rid yourself
of me, just know
how much it
took for me to say all
this...be it on paper
or not, yesterday I
could have never
given away this
much information
so be proud no
matter what, and
just know that.
Wow! That was
a lot hope I
didn't over inform
you...I feel I've
so much in such
a short time.
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