By sarah dragonfleyes@excite.com
Date: 9 January 2001
virginia rain
he said if i didn't kiss him now, he would take his hands off the wheel and kiss me himself. i kissed him, lest we run off the road. he was always like that, this surprise, a moment of energy. Then later he would be catatonic and so lacking in energy you wonder how he could of been the same man who wanted to enthusiastically kiss only hours before.
We went on a road trip together to Virginia, my old lover and i. I hadn't seen him for almost a year, i was scared of what would come. I never knew with him. And even though i thought i had gotten the last of his feel off of my skin in the last year, i knew i hadn't when i saw him again. Just looking at him made me want to smile and hug him and kiss him all over. Instead i said hey, long time no see stranger. What else was i supposed to say? Hey you broke my heart, you were my first love, you were the one i cried myself to sleep about and wondered if you were alive.
he was self destructive, and tended to destroys the lives around him as well.
i didn't let him destroy me.
instead i took a road trip to virginia. I loved virginia before him, and i love it still now that he is gone.
He was the first person i saw the ocean with, he was catatonic that day, staring at the sand as if it was only thing around, not the people, not the water, not the dunes or the sea crabs or anything....the sand....he stood there and let the water come rushing up at him, he watched as the sand slid betweens his toes with the water tracing it away.
That night he made love to me in a hotel by the ocean, then we stood in the rain in his boxers and i in a tshirt and shorts. His cigarette hanging laguidly from his mouth, that was still raw from the kissing we inflicted on each others mouths.
How could this be what it was, this beauty. When we could stand in the rain, swim in the ocean, dance freely in the sand and make love. Then he lets it go from him, like nothing really touched him for the moments they did. Instead he retreated away, and later said he really cared about me, "do you know that?"
i don't think i did....
or else he would of never retreated from me.
just like the sand he watched run away from his toes, i wonder if he watched me falling away from him.
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