By Crystal sullengirl25@yahoo.com
Date: 8 December 2000
I REMEBER....
I sit here alone typing,
My friends drinking Sea Breeze’s ,
And I, drinking a liter of crown and a two liter of coke,
Listening to Trisha Yearwood, Brian Mcknight, Faith Hill and George Straight…
Thinking to myself I am not going to cry tonight.
And the music begins to play,
And I, trying to be a hard ass,
Trying to become so angry that I hate you,
Think of all the times you have hurt me…
The first time we broke up and heard your conversation with Shaw,
You telling him not to let me know about it because I would be angry,
And I was thinking you were seeing your ex-fiance,
When you were actually talking about some piece of shit “TRAILER PARK TRASH”
You denied it even after hearing the conversation on my cell phone,
While you didn’t want to admit that you were so stupid …
To not hit end…..
Remembering,
The time I walked in on the two of you (you and Amy)
The morning after I left my cousin’s funeral of 28,
And working until 3am at the bar…
Trying to rip my speaker’s out of the wall of your home…
And you were so scared to come out and face me….
When the whole purpose of me coming over there…
Was because there was something said at that funeral that struck me..
Really hard..
“When you Love someone …..Let them know ..you may never get the chance to tell them again!”
asking you when you finally appeared ..
if it was really worth it………….was what you were doing really worth hurting me……….
And I remember your answer………….”NO!”
I remember…
Having to hunt you down to find you with someone else,
The day I was supposed to tell my parents what I had to decide about being pregnant…
I remember the day of the abortion ………
Like it was yesterday……….it will always be apart of me……..
The biggest thing I have ever regretted………..
I was on the phone with you,
And your “:LOSER” friends were there…….
You finally came over after I made you feel quilty…
And raised complete hell with me…..
And my friends were getting ready to go out,
And went off on your ass for putting me through all I didn’t deserve
Because I wasn’t strong enough to stand up for myself.
I remember you telling all the lies you told to anyone who would listen….
Lies to me about you loving me ……lies about us still seeing eachother
And that you weren’t attracted to that skinny bitch that looked like a guy,
How I was over reacting when my friends came in and told of the two of you together………dancing
….how I felt so sad and hurt when I saw the two of you together……….the very next morning
And How you denied that as well.
And how I went to jail for taking all I could and hitting her……….
I remember because It was me ….
It was and is a part of my life and Always will be………….
And I remember how you said that you were “just friends” ,
Thinking I was so stupid to believe that…
And I rememeber…..
The night I broke down and asked you to marry me …
On that zippo lighter…..
And you said no….
Because you weren’t happy…………
And I REMEMBER…..
How it felt to listen to your friends tell me the “TRUTH”…
While you lied about it !
And said you would never have anything else to do with her…
Because it hurt me…….she was supposed to have been my friend you know……
And………. I remember lastnight ,
you finally came clean to me…
That you slept with her a few months ago….
While I sat almost vomiting .
At any flirtation from a man…
You saying you are sorry…
I have heard that too much from you….
So much that I can’t distinquish whether it is real or not!
I remember you saying time and time again.
“I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU”
I am here alone on my knees ………….
Praying to God that he takes this pain away….
I don’t know what is left between us………….
I have no idea if it is anything at all….
What I do Know …….
Is that there is a ¼ of Coke left… No Crown at all……..
And glass full of tears …………
Why can’t they be your’s????
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