By nikki
Date: 3 December 2000

Gray Days and Moonless Nights

Gray Days and Moonless Nights

It starts with the dawn,
fog eerily painting the sky
with mysterious shades
of lilac, puce, and blue-gray.
If the sun shines through
they will lazily turn to
fiery shades of crimson
orange, gold, and finally,
crystal blue.
It’s winter, though, 
so the sun may find
cause to peek through
now and again,
but the gray will remain.
And I will gaze blindly
out the window
and wonder what face the
sky is wearing in Las Vegas
or Irvine, La Jolla, and any 
of the other numerous cities
you will pass through on 
this trip.
I will convince myself
that not a thought of me
passes through your mind
until a problem that only 
I can solve comes up.
(At least, I like to think
that only I can help you.)
And I will quietly admit
that I do take everything
you say the wrong way.
But you won’t hear the
whispered words
and you won’t see the
anguish in my eyes.
Friends tell me that
you are a player
and that you travel
with too much baggage.
I don’t quite agree
and even so,
I don’t quite mind the
baggage you carry.
The day will drag by
while I busy myself
to keep thoughts of you
at bay. 
They manage to slip
through, though, as I
watch the caller ID
for any sign of you.
The night settles solemnly
without the light of 
the moon.  
And if it was there, the
fog and clouds were 
shutting it out.
Maybe you call and
maybe you don’t.
Maybe you are sick
and I will reprimand
you for not taking better
care of yourself.
And you’ll make promises
to get some decent sleep
when I know that you
will skip it to please another
person with another task.
I will settle in to await the
dawn, knowing that it will
look the same as today’s.
And my last thought will
be that we will forever 
remain apart, perhaps
as we are destined to.
And I will soothe my
injured heart with
a promise of a better love,
knowing that with the dawn
I will break that promise
as my insufferable thoughts
turn once more to you.
NL 12/3/00

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