By Elaina
Date: 6 February 2001
Look Away
Right now I can think
of 1,000 things to say
to you if you were to
walk through the door.
Yet if you were to I
would just ignore you,
pretend that I feel no
different without you
than I did with you...Why?
I don't understand why
I do that. Perhaps out
of fear, but more than
that I think it's embarassment.
Deep within the pit of
dispair I find you. Waiting
and watching to see how
I'll react to the next
level of your game. Twist
the knife deeper. Open me
soul, expose my heart. Hold
to the torment. Stay away from
temptation. Don't ask
questions with those
intensions. Tears I hide,
fear resides. Hopes and
helps crumble to the
ground. Shuffle in the
wind. Blown out of order.
Open my eyes to truth
no matter how blinding
or heart shattering.
Rescue me from flaw and
re-issue the perfection
I so desire. Terrified
that at any moment
you'll show up forcing
me into my wonderland.
A place where nothings
really there, it's not
real, just a figment of
my imagination. Lost,
but never really knowing
where I was going in the
first place. What are you
trying to prove. That you
can hurt me, and feel nothing
in return. Accomplished. That
I get jealous when another girl,
touches you. Your point is
well taken. That last night
I dreampt of you and we were
ok. Friends talking and
laughing. My dreams soon
faded into nightmares and
I woke to find myself
alone, fearful to be so.
I'm too stubborn to call and
just say hello. I couldn't
handle that you'd be too
busy to talk to me. Or
perhaps you wouldn't even
answer. But what can I do?
Not a damn thing. I'm too tired
to fight. I've been
fighting my whole life.
Nothing is worth this
much anguish. Forgive me
for things unsaid, but forget
the things I often spoke.
At least you helped me find
my purpose. You've added to
my collection of memories
I document as if someone
were interested. My fear
stained eyes are my
windows. And you a wooded
door. For I can always clean
the widows, but to see through
the door it has to be removed.
Windows I can always look in
and I can always look out,
but unfortunatly the door
has to be opened, to see
what's on the other side,
and I have no key. No key
to unlock what you hide.
Maybe somethings are better
that way. So keep those
skeletons in the closet,
behind all the boxes of junk,
and I'll do the same. Someday
when I'm cleaning up in there
I'll find the memories of you,
and remember that I cared.
However, I'll just as soon forget.
Then I'll survive to see
another heartache.
Back to the Heart-on-Sleeve Corner