By Ali
Date: 13 February 2001

Never Mattered

Today, I got to thinking
And I started wondering, what it's like to be
Her...
To be the one that you come home to
Do you make her laugh?
Do you hold her close?
Do you wipe away her tears, when she cries?
And I wonder if she makes you laugh
I wonder if she holds you close
And I wonder if she picks you up, when you fall down
Does she stand beside you, no matter what?
Does she love you?
Do you love her?
I remember that there was a time, when you held me
Made me laugh, made me smile
(Now, all I do is cry)
I'm left with this mad season, this winter
And this god-damned never ceasing doubt...
What were we?
What was it, that we had?
And most importantly, what was I, to you?
'Cause all I know is, what you were to me...
I just want to know
On the record, off the record
Doesn't matter
Just as long as you tell me
Did I mean anything to you?
Because I'm starting to feel like I was a fool
Just another game you played, that I never mattered to you...
And that thought makes me feel dirty, unclean
And this kind of filth doesn't just wash off
With a good scrub with soap and water
I need a good, long soak, in the steaming hot
Truth...
Did you care?
Was it all just an act?
And I wonder, now...
Do I ever cross your mind?
Do I ever dance through your dreams?
Do you ever feel my head resting on your shoulder
Even though I am not there?
Does my memory ever wake you, from sleep?
Have you ever looked in her eyes, and thought they were mine?
Have you ever woke, early, on a sunday morn, just to go outside
And sit in the warm, soft mists
Because the smell of them reminds you, of the days gone by?
I wonder if you're too far gone, to realize what it is that you've done
Because you've done an awefull lot of damage...
And I don't know why I still miss you
Shouldn't want you, anymore...
And this isn't about me wanting only that which I cannot have
Because I've always wanted you....
No, this is about this love...
Gone from blessing to curse
Because it is seemingly unreturned
From this present vantage point of mine
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