Litany of Longing, Part IV: How Much Do I Love You?

By Joey
Date: 28 February 2001

Litany of Longing, Part IV: How Much Do I Love You?

How much do I love you? That’s impossible to say. But I’ll use words, for they’re all I have. There isn’t any other way... I love you like the ocean loves the sand, Like the bacon loves the pan, Like the castaway on a raft Loves to see land. I love you like the tire loves the road, Like the pen loves the paper, Like the princess who knows the ending to the fairy tale Loves the toad. I love you like the hot dog loves the bun, Like the soda loves the ice. (I think you’re fine. I think you’re nice, Jesus Christ would we have a lot of fun.) I love you like the cop loves the thief, Like the ball loves the bat, Like the old woman in that tv commercial used to enjoy asking, “Where’s the beef?” I love you like the coral loves the reef, Like the pianist loves notes. I love you like barrels love Niagra Falls, Like the ocean loves boats. How much do I love you? That’s impossible to say. But I’ll use words, for they’re all I have. There isn’t any other way... I love you like green eggs love ham, Like criminals love foul play. I love you better than myself (maybe). Aren’t you glad I’m not gay? My words are few and lacking, As you can plainly see. And all that can silence them is You, You coming home to me. Because I love you like fleas love dogs, Like clouds love a rainy day. As long as I have you (almost) in my life, I know I’ll never run out of things to say. I know I’ll never tire of praising This Woman I want to call my own. I love you almost as much As E.T. wanted to phone home. Well, maybe more. Who can say? I can, that’s who. Now listen up. I’ve got a lot more to say Before I shut up. You ask: How much do I love you? That’s impossible to say. But I’ll use words, for they’re all I have. There isn’t any other way... I love you like the hot knife loves butter, Like yeast loves the bread. I love you like the sun loves the sky. Why in the hell are you with that other guy?! A better question might be: “How much do I need you?” That too can’t be expressed. But I’ll try, ‘cause it’s what I do best... I need you like rockets need the stars. I need you like Eric Clapton needs guitars. I need you like the drunk needs his wine. I need you like Germany needs the Rhine. I need you like the cactus needs its spines. I need you like the night needs the moon. I need you like a junkie needs a fix. I need you like a singer needs a tune. See, I need you like the flame needs the heat, Like the grill needs the meat. I need you like the athlete needs to win. I need you like the sinner needs to sin. My Need is fierce, As you can plainly see. But this is only the tip of the iceberg, The iceberg that is Me. For my Soul is empty without you. My Heart pines in the long night. If I can’t look upon you, I’d rather have no sight. If I can’t have you I’d rather die. If I can’t have you I think I’ll sigh. If I can’t have you I’d rather fry In the electric chair. This is no exaggeration. Every word is True. I have no reason for living If I can’t have You. An even better question might be, “How much do I desire you?” And I’ll answer as best I can. I don’t care if this poem gets panned. I desire you like fishes desire fins. Like Hugh Hefner desires blondes. I desire you fervently, Like overrated artists desire attention. How much do I love you? That’s impossible to say. But I’ll use words, for they’re all I have. There isn’t any other way... My Desire is wide, My Desire is deep. You’ve no idea how much it’ll take to deter me. I don’t care if your friend said I’m a creep. Your friend will never be You, Your friend will never be me. Your friend will have to live with herself, And that’s punishment enough.

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