By Jim Stryker
Date: 24 February 2001

Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail...

I did it just right.

Luck had nothing to do with it.

No, it was work,
thorough preparation.

First
I lit lots of black coconut incense,
   put Neil Diamond on for mood music

                  ("I AM! I said...")

        and put
"The Devil in Miss Jones"
        in the DVD...

Girl,
I knew
you'd be a woman soon -
and I hoped
fervently
that it would be that night.

        But hope
    had nothing to do with it either.

I probably had something
       to do
               with the edible undies
   and pink handcuffs
     laid out
           with care
   on the freshly-washed sheets.

   So
          imagine my surprise
      when you told me
   you wouldn't do it
until your 19th birthday.

I started to panic
       but all was not lost.
Turns out
you didn't consider
                    oral sex
                      to be "sex,"
     a rather dubious
   moral distinction
                 that I found
    oh so
   welcome.
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