By Megs
Date: 9 April 2001
Everything After the First Kiss
I've barely escaped a single one of them.
I see a few of them daily.
Maybe its my fault, but I prefer to blame it on the small college town
enviornment.
Trying to sort through "who counts" and who really doesn't, I only know with
certainty it all starts with one.
He was THE guy that first year of high school. So many girls had dated him.
I mistook that as a sign of popularity. But oh was he sweet, hanging out by my
locker, calling in the evenings, sitting at "my" table during lunch, all the
necessary signals of fledgling high school romance. He was my first real kiss.
He met my parents. He was the first boy I (foolishly) thought would be
"forever." I had to buy new notebooks for every class after we broke up, rather
than face our names and hearts taunting me.
I found another guy that summer. I have to mention him here. The one I regret
losing touch with. We both ruled the summer camp with disregard to rules and
outrageous pranks. That formed a bond tight enough to lead to an experimental
kiss. He told me he loved me not much later and I was scared. After all, he
wasn't cute by any high school standards. I am sorry I was too shallow to see
what he had to offer underneath the exterior. The picnic by the river should
have swept me off my feet.
I settled instead for a few failed crushes and blind dates. One worked. Very
well. The next two years of my life were entangled in this one. I Loved him.
(capital "L") He broke my heart days after I promised it to him, but we
picked back up and tried again. College came. Landmark anniversaries passed.
The trust issues persevered, a malingering illness, until finally I hurt him
back. That was never my intention. I still love him every other day or so.
The One Night Stand. Technically, a few more nights than one. Moreover, I made
the mistake of seeing him as something. As potential. I gave up my body and
my standards before understanding, he would never call. He has a baby now.
It doesn't surprise me.
But this all led me to "the One." I should have learned by now not to be so
hasty in handing off my heart. But there is something different in the way we
talk, tease, kiss, and understand. Funny how, this one has never been anything
like the others. Its been hard. We fell fast, suffered geography, and endured
tragedy. I have held his hand, packed my bags, stayed, and taken care of him.
I have showed him the best I have to offer, and my worst sides too. I hope this
is the end of the story.
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