By distant moon
Date: 5 April 2001

TV-PG DSLV

I'm totally blank and useless
Temporarily of course, but for now it feels like eternity
It feels that way, simply because of you
Damn this heart of mine
Insecurities can really be a downer
In this world of caffeine latte drizzle drained drivel stains
It's six word combinations like that that make me want to cry
I do it all the time
Even when I'm simply trying to have a conversation with a loved one
They stop...smile
Say...what the hell did you just say?
I shake my head
"never mind"

we are NOT poets
WE are not poets
we ARE not poets
we are not POETS

Poetry is a life form
Poetry takes hold of random visitors to coffee shops
Poetry bleeds
Poetry sings

Poetry takes your soul, and shows my soul how it feels
and vice versa

But like I said before, I'm blank and useless
I'll pretend for a moment to be "normal"
I'll sit back...sip a beer...God knows I can't stand the taste
But I do it, straight faced
Watch reruns of Bay Watch and say, "RUN! RUN!"

I don't mean a damn thing I say during these periods
As Manson says in a song, "I'm as fake as a wedding cake"

I hope my wedding isn't cake isn't fake...damn those caterers
Note to those who are concerned, his analogy wasn't lost on me
But I tend to want to see the good in things

Who knows
Maybe someday I'll sing on a stage
Someone will come up to me afterwards and say
"I totally understand you"

Of course, they will be lying, and because of my innate trust in people, I'll indulge them for a while

Maybe it'll be a woman
Maybe
But then again...hopefully by then I'll have found that woman

I wish she had understood today
I was reading the poem to her as if I were talking to her
There was a crowd
There was a long round of applause
I felt loved
She didn't "get it"

Later on....about twenty minutes ago I told her
"it was about you"
"what was?"
"the poem..."
"really? now I want to hear it again"

I hand her the poem
"I'll read it tomorrow"
I'm leaving tomorrow
I don't say that part, but she knows
She wants to figure these things out on her own
I look at her bedroom door as I'm writing these very words and wonder
is she actually reading it right now?

The part about our lips colliding...
The part about my strong hands pulling her gently beautiful face towards mine

What is wrong with me?
What makes a person fall so far
My knees are absolutely scarred for life
My chest as well
When I fall...my whole body falls
I hit the floor with reckless abandon
I tear off limbs
I dust the room with sharp, piercing smash

She hands me my pillows to sleep tonight
I enjoy the couch
I'd enjoy a partner
Not for sexual reasons...but OH the sexual reasons....
Nevertheless...just to cuddle...just to hold
just to HAVE

The butterfly clock on the wall ticks in tune with the flashing SET CLOCK on the VCR....apparently it's almost 2 am, the VCR just wants to know for sure

But I digress
To my right...the summary of everything ever written
Simply stated
Simply put

God grant me serenity
To accept what I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference

I had courage tonight
The wisdom of it is still on the docket
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