By Harem
Date: 17 April 2001
" Road Kill "
So how did I react to all this new information
To the realization that I was sharing my husband
With lots and lots and lots of other women
And had been for our entire marriage.
To the fact that he was now trying to set me up.
With guys he worked with.
That if I wanted sex with him, it had to be in a group setting.
That he would call me at work at night,
and tell me not to come home...
Because he was entertaining other women,
And I would only be in the way.
Coming home early
Finding another woman on top of him
in our bed....
They never missed a stroke....
While I stood there watching...
They asked me to join them....
How did I handle all this new and exciting data ?
Why surely, I would react the way that most normal women do.
WRONG.
Normal would be too easy.... too sane.... too expected....
My mother told me that when I finally learned to crawl,
I always crawled backwards.
Sort of like backing a car up , out of a driveway....
I still read magazines and books from the back to the front.
Somethings never change.
So how did I react ???
In a sanely , crazy way......
Why should I disappoint you, my reader, or the muses who so
amusingly watch me.
And so I won't.
And I didn't.
Two things don't mix well.... Pisces people.... and alcohol.
Pisces love water. You know, the fish thing.
And alcohol is definitely a liquid.
And with the pisces love of dreaming, fantasizing, illusions,
secrets, mystery, the occult, and mysterious fascinations.
Alcohol can enhance all those feelings, beautifully.
So the obvious was too real for me to fathom.
Reality too harsh, too abrasive to accept
The path before me, was to difficult to follow
And I was unwilling to walk it.
The fact that I needed to break up with him
Extricate myself from his hellish den of horrors
Tear myself away from my fake fairytale existence with him
Leaving my babies fatherless
Was something, I just could not bring myself to do.
And yet, I knew I had to.
I knew deep inside, that it was inevitable
And there was no way around it.
Or was there ??
Yes.
I was off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Taking the road past the Hidden Castle
Sliding down the rabbit hole
To Alice's Wonderland of Wonders
Where the seven dwarfs dance and laugh
Where strange things go bump in the night
And illusions rule through the slickness and sparkle
And clink of ice., oozing with OJ
The famous screwdriver
Heck, if I was going to be screwed,
At least it can be totally painless
Ah the numbness
Floating on a painless river
called.... Vodka.
Hold the ice
Who needs ice.
Hold the orange juice too.
Just the clear stream of escape
The novacaine numb of feremented potatoes
Anesthesia for the soul
The stories I could tell
I could write forever, and never touch them all.
Nor would I really want to....
Books upon books could be written
of the things you can see when your mind is escaping
When you run from the cyclops of pains destiny
When you swim and dive and float and drown
in the liquid that relieves all pain
That fantasies can sail upon
Where reality is soothed and smothered and coated
and swallowed
But never tasted, never touched, never felt
I can only thank the men
Who took me into the basement of a place
I can't remember.
Putting me on a pool table
Humiliating and degrading me
Beating me up , unmercifully
Then taking me in a car
Riding it to high speeds
Opening the door
And thowing me out
I never felt a thing
Remembering only bits and pieces, here and there.
Suddenly I was in a diner.
Somewhere
A waitress was trying to wipe my face
I pushed her hand away.
She was calling the police
I begged her not to.
Someone had picked me up off the side of the road
And brought me to this diner and left me
I didn't know who I was
They had stolen my coat and purse
I had no identification
Didn't know where I lived.
I wanted to get up and dance.
A damn drunken lush
The skin on my legs missing.
My elbows all gashed up
My face bleeding, ears bleeding
Eyes swollen
Just one torn up, bloody mess
With road gravel, embedded in my open wounds
With mercy in her heart
The waitress put down the phone
And never did call the police.
She took me in the back room, and let me lie down.
Covering me with a warm blanket.
I started to cry.
Waking several hours later
And several degrees more sober
I started to shake....
The pain was returning
Reality was setting in.
I called to her.... she came running.
Together we put bits and pieces of my memory together
By late that afternoon.... I was able to remember a phone number
Although I could not figure out who I was, or my name
She called the number.
I could hear the man screaming on the other end.
All he was worried about, was some new car
That I had supposedly lost.
She gave him directions to the diner.
He claimed to be my husband.
I did not recognize him
Nor him me.
Calling me a drunken lush
Telling me he was sick of my shit
Demanding to know where the car was.
I had no idea
It took him several days to find it.
I was more than a hundred miles away from our home.
That night only cured me for a short bit....
That's another story.....
Road Kill
......................................................
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