Nipple.

Okay...I'm blushing, and hating myself for blushing. I grew up in a world where nice women did not ever say nipple...into a world where my sisters taught me that it was okay to have them---even use them---but that endowing them with sexual value was truly evil---a sell out. I was so thoroughly cowed by both ends of the spectrum that I didn't write or acknowledge erotica for years.

I remember reading Lady Chatterly's Lover in college; feeling like I was oh so sophisticated...boring damned book! So it broke ground...fine. I'd read juicer stuff in a Harlequin romance when I was 13...yet my parents would have paled to see that book in my hand. I have always been a romantic sap---so embracing feminism in college was rather a big step. My concept was that I would then be free to think, read, and yes write as I chose....only my sisters thought otherwise.

Love, they explained, was a patriarchal device to enslave women. Say what? When I finally asked them if this applied to the romances they has with each other, they hastened to explain that that sort of love was different. I wasn't judging---but it looked to me like adopting the butch/femme roles was a form of selling out as well. And I didn't see any relationships between women that seemed immune to that sort of role-playing. And for those who are reading this in horror, no dears, no one tried to "recruit" me. These were trusted friends who understood my tastes, and never made issue of them. So I liked men...they could be tolerant.

Love was bad enough---but erotica? Unacceptable. Beyond sell out. So for years, I did not even consider the notion of what erotica was. The web exploded onto the scene, and with it countless thousands of sites, most commercial, all screaming the sticky joys of hot wet vixens, young sluts, and the like. But romantic erotica? What the heck was that? And along came the Blender...a home for the romantic souls who yearn, who long, and who touch with words.

And so began a gentle evolution. Love poetry is the leper of the literary world--- Mostly because so much love poetry truly bites. I know---high heresy in the Blender---unkind to think---worse to speak. But sadly true. When we fall in love, our objectivity goes right out the window. NO ONE is near as wonderful as our beloved. No one is as witty, deep, vibrant---SEXY! We get drugged on that lovely glow---we're spilling over with bliss....and we sit down and try to capture it with words. And words fail us---at times miserably.

But not all love poetry is awful. With practice, it can even be wonderful---but let's try romantic erotica now. Every one of us is a sensual and sexual original. I subscribe to the theory that whatever two (or more) consenting adults choose to do together is their business. But no matter how deeply in love two people might be, each developed their own sensuality and sexual tastes long before they set eyes on each other. They can meet, hit it off...and click like crazy....but there are still undelying factors. Our society embraces monogamy. Yet I have met people that I think could actually pull off the notion of polygamy. Not many, I grant you...and for many people polygamy would be a devastating lifestyle. We like the notion of a ONE AND ONLY.... Therein is a form of security. You and me against the world---and in a world that now features AIDS, and an array of STD's, certainly a healthier option.

So where can romantic erotica come from? Not the commercial sites for sure. Not the skin rags, and so my dears---it must come from us. From being willing to be honest first with ourselves---about what makes sparks beneath the skin. And the risk of sharing that with our lovers---wow. Assuming they don't have a fit and fall in it, can we actually get to the point of sharing it with the outside world?

So now that the confessional is over, Auntie Gala will get to the point---10 tips on writing erotica, romantic like!

1. Write for yourself. Forget the bilge in Penthouse. What do you find sensual?
2. Remember this is supposed to be fun...don't be so damned serious!
3. Be honest. If it isn't a turn on for you, why bother?
4. Use words that a comfortable to you.... No need to get gutter if you don't want to or normally wouldn't.
5. If you have ever enjoyed a sexy movie, or a scene in a movie, why not start from there? Think about the scene---what was it about it that caught your attention?
6. Don't believe the hype...just because Penthouse thinks it's sexy doesn't mean you will...
7. There is no "normal" for fantasy...let your mind wander free...and don't leave out tactile prompts...I find the smell or cocoa butter enticing...another friend loves the scent of baby oil...start with basic stuff. Perfume is nice---but can overwhelm...
8. Just because you dream it, doesn't mean you have to do it. Some fantasies are better left in the head and heart...others are too yummy not to try. First and foremost, you are writing for YOU...
9. Play with language...I have been known to wax colorful with my speech---and yet saying "nipple" will make me flush.
10. Still feel to shy? Time to do some reading...but be warned...a lot of erotica will not be exactly to your taste---some of it injects violence in weird places...but the more you read, the more you will understand about your own taste, and what in fact you do find sexy.

I failed at feminism because having escaped the control of a male dominated culture, anxious to tell me what I should find sexy; I was no more willing to allow my "sisters" to define my taste either. The Reagan years made strange bedfellows...Tipper Gore and the Moral Majority...and many well known feminist types Embracing the idea that "pornography" ( and erotica came under this heading) was exploitive of women. No "real" feminist could read or view that sort of thing without being branded a sell out. One so called spokesperson suggested in national press that any for of sex that featured "penetration" was a form of rape.

That was it for me and feminism. It took more than a decade for me to try my hand at erotica...once I did, I was stunned by how freeing a form it was...so good luck...and remember---open up your mind...let your fantasy unwind....