By AsIfNamesMattered
Date: 12 April 2001
Unsent Love letter
I was coming back from driving my family to the airport a few weeks ago and I was thinking about how much I enjoyed my family time and how I loved all the quiet time we spent together, time doing everyday things. It’s a trick of how you can tell how much you care about someone, or how comfortable you are with someone. You can do the simple stupid ordinary things with them and it is fun and you want them there. And it was just at that point where it’s rained long enough to be the slickest and most dangerous and you don’t have a lot of traction and you know that if you turn too suddenly, or if someone ahead of you slams the brakes, you could spin out and lose it all. And suddenly the clouds disappeared and all that water that’s being kicked up has sunlight running through it and it’s making rainbows everywhere. And it’s just like in that movie, “What dreams may come” where everything was kind of washed out grey and suddenly it’s more colorful and beautiful than you can imagine. So beautiful it doesn’t seem real. And then I thought of you. I wanted to share that beautiful moment with you where the sky is so blue, and the grass is so green. And I wanted to share that beautiful moment with you because when I’m with you, stupid ordinary things seem fun and I want to be around you.
And if it seems like I’m trying really hard to spend time with you – it’s because I am. And if I’m trying too hard, it’s because in September, I tried hard to spend time with you – I couldn’t, or you didn’t seem available, and I gave up, because it shouldn’t be so hard. I didn’t feel like there was a place in your life for me, and I’ve never been the type to spend too much time fighting for one.
And if it seems like this has taken so long or felt so weird, it’s because you keep putting me in weird situations. “I hate those types of guys that will out of nowhere say that they’re in love with you. Don’t you hate them?” “oh yeah…I can’t believe how guys do that. They should have the balls to stand up and say – hey I’m into you.”
Hey – I think I’m into you.
And if you aren’t into me, or were and aren’t any more, it’s ok. I just thought this was something you deserved to hear.
In any case, as whatever I may end up being to you, friend, more, or less, I’d like to spend more time with you, and I enjoy the time I spend with you.
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