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By ~Harem~ Date: 2001 Jun 03 Comment on this Work [[2001.06.03.20.46.30562]] |
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Did you ever stop dating someone, and find that you can't get them out of your mind? You just can't shake them. Like they have placed some kind of spell on you. It has happened to me several times, and it is really hard to shake. I guess it must have something to do with the person making a big impression on you or being really unusual in some way or another. Usually I have a little trick to shake the feeling. What I do, is try to think of just one thing that that person did, or did not do, or one feature about them, that would make them totally unsuitable for me. Then I dwell upon it.... and after a time, it usually takes the longing away. I did that with my ex, whenever I was missing him. The big pit fall is to remember the good times. God that is a sure killer, to make you crave them, or worse yet, to give into their demands to take them back. The real trick for me was, in allowing myself to remember only the bad stuff.... the shit that caused the breakup to begin with and to dwell on that bad stuff then you are never tempted to go back, no matter how many times they call and beg. After two years, he is still calling me at work and at home...... Sheesh..... When I feel weak.... I just remember the times he hit me or the times he pushed me away in bed, or humiliated me in public, etc. WOW .... that works so good...... I was dating someone in early February, that was my most recent haunt...... If you were to ask me why I was haunted by him, I have no idea. I think it was because there was no closure..... You know... we broke up, without actually breaking up.. suddenly, with no warning, I found my belongings dumped on my front steps in the rain.... When I tried to find out what had happened and why he dumped my stuff, he refused to talk to me..... He refused to tell me why He refused to talk to me at all. So there was no closure there.... no communication whatsoever... nothing.... just lots of confusion in my head..... I figured that communication was important in any relationship.... and took this as a sign, that we would NOT have been happy together, if we could not even communicate about this.... So I went on to dating other guys, and having a generally good time.... I never gave it another thought. except one of relief...... Then suddenly the haunting began..... Anyways, he had these big hypnotic caramel colored eyes (I am a sucker for eyes), and he is one of those writers, that writes from the depths of his soul (he is a fantastic writer) that could stir, even a dead person..... I have tried to figure him out.... I love mysteries, and he certainly is, one..... I figured that he was all words, and no feelings. Then I started to think about my writing, and realized that I write what I feel, and believe that all writers write from their soul feelings.... or they would not be able to write..... I think good writers, are very deep individuals.... a breed of intense human beings.... So then I realized, I was drawn to his intense feelings portrayed in his words.... I have been haunted by his writing, which I have continued to read, even after the so called break up..... I am a passionate type that loves to kiss and hug..... don't even need to be in love..... just if I like someone, I can stay up all night..... with a desire to kiss and hug them.... And I have been haunted by this character (day dreaming and night dreaming) and loosing sleep- over him. Wanting to kiss and hug...... It has gotten so bad, that I thought I might offer to pay him.... for a few last hugs and kisses..... Boy am I a lip junkie (kissing bandit).... but then that would make me happy, but would be quite unfair to him..... because most guys would not be very happy, having a Harem lipping them with great passion and then have her walk away, and say... "hey thanks for the fix".... see you next time..... Anyways.... I started writing poems that I knew he would read.... to let him know that I was being driven crazy with this urge to kiss and hug and smooch and squeeze..... He politely and directly told me back in his poetry..... why he broke up with me... It was GREAT..... as it finally gave me closure.... All these months, I had wondered what had happened...... and NOW, I finally know.... I finally know WHY.... CLOSURE.... IT'S WONDERFUL ! ! ! And it worked so well..... Thank you, carmel eyes.... The haunting is OVER.... Last night for the first time, I was able to sleep thru the night. You did not come to me in my dreams to haunt me..... I am able to vision you now in my minds' eye.... without any craving to kiss.... no urges to hug..... No intense desire to devour your lips..... WOW.... CLOSURE... I feel so Relieved. It did the trick.... And so it's OVER.... I am finally able to CLOSE that page in my life, Your kind words of closure, have given me PEACE..... I am FREE at last...... To Move on.. If any of you guys or gals find yourself haunted by someone who you broke up with... Maybe, you just need CLOSURE. ~ |