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By dev0n Date: 2001 Jun 20 Comment on this Work [[2001.06.20.01.17.2121]] |
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i am overwhelmed. you may think that i'm erratic, unsure. but you should know that i always have my eyes wide open, drinking in every stop sign and passing them by. my heart is unused to boundaries. i have lied to you about being confused and lost, because really, i am a woman who knows what she wants. i am so used to giving everything, granting exclusive rights to my affections. i cannot shut that off. not even for you. i am not blaming myself for this, but now i know i am much more sensitive than i thought. and although i know what i want, and i know that i will not lose sight, even for a second, of the color of your eyes, i also know that i am risking it all, for a season of bliss that is very likely to end no matter how sunny it is today. i am frightened by this realization and i wish you could ask me what i was thinking, because i would reply: now. i am thinking of now. and i would believe myself, because now does not evolve, it does not build itself up. it is a moment without boundaries. now. and if you could ask me what i was thinking now, i would not be thinking about the ending of seasons. i would be thinking about the freckles on your left ear. two of them, faint. you didn't even know they were there until i told you. maybe you don't know any of this, either, but you should. i am overwhelmed by knowing who i am and by knowing that i am jumping headfirst into an ending on the hopes that it will be different this time, that this moment will be enough to hold onto. |